It all began with a glance and a smile…
Before we divulge into the trials and tribulations that may arise from polyamory, let’s talk about our first exposure to polyamory. My partner and I were in an open relationship since my time studying abroad. An aspect of our relationship dealt with having guys over from time to time. We had fancied this one guy who we’d occasionally hang out with, anywhere from one to three times a month, for about a year. What started as something casual at first became something more over time. It wasn’t until several months later that my partner had brought up the idea of dating this guy together.
The idea perplexed me, to think about me, my partner, and another person in a relationship together. Some of these uncertainties was due to a constant need to know what the final outcome of dating someone together. I now know that these feelings stemmed from a social construct called relationship escalator. For those who have not read More Than Two, A Practical Guide To Ethical Polyamory or haven’t delved into non-monogamy, relationship escalator refers to societal expectations for intimate relationships. Partners follow a progressive set of steps, each with visible markers, toward a clear goal.
After about four months and another proposal to consider dating, I decided to entertain the idea of dating someone else together. While a thruple wasn’t an easy concept to grasp, I tried, but my partner saw how I was struggling with it.
It wasn’t until our ex, we’ll refer to him as “The EDMer”, invited us to a group of sex-positive and open men. We had gone to one of their “parties” once before and had a great time. Meeting new people, creating friendships and making out with many of guys. The exposure to such a sex-positive environment, in a safe space, was euphoric. This experience was an exploration into a different lifestyle I’d never imagine for myself and my partner.
At our second group “party,” I thought I’d let my partner and the EDMer have fun in the playroom while I mingle and drink. As I was looking around, I accidentally bumped into this guy, who I now know as my co-conspirator’s fiancé, yep that’s right, “the fiancé” from our previous post. I shall refer to him as “The Gaymer.” It was quite serendipitous.
Let’s get back to the story, shall we. We locked eyes, smiled and then introduced ourselves to one another. It was hard to comprehend the feeling I felt in that moment because it has happened twice before in my life. It’s the instant connection with someone without really knowing them. We continued our conversation and had some time to know each other well that night. After that we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
After the “party”, we all put in an effort to clean up and get food. So, it was my partner, the EDMer, the gaymer, and some friends from the party that went out to get some late night Korean cuisine. My partner, had been talking to the gaymer and then referred me to continue talking to him about polyamory.
I did have some reservations about being completely open and in a thruple. The premise of these talks was to grasp a better understanding of non-monogamy with the hope of being more comfortable with my current relationships. As my partner and I were actively dating someone, there was something about the gaymer that intrigued me. We started texting, daily, for about a month. And through that time, our talk bridged past the concept of polyamory and I really got a sense and feel for him. Then he told me how he felt about me and then asked me out on a date. That was the beginning of my journey into polyamory.
We had gone on several home dates, in the South Bay. It was enjoyable and exciting and new. I now understand NRE or what More Than Two describes as “a strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship.” This experience opened my eyes to non-monogamy, poly and so much more. This exposure has altered my view on relationships and gave me the knowledge to embrace polyamory.
– Cheers from your friendly Poly Guy 2
