Maybe not the worst, but probably the most embarrassing, was my first boyfriend.  I was too terrified to ask him on a date, but I did manage to pluck up the courage to invite him to dinner, which he of course interpreted as a date.  

I picked him promptly up at 8:00 pm. While he wasn’t dressed to the nines, you could tell he’d clearly put in the effort to look nice, did his hair, showered. I wish I could say I reciprocated his efforts and took him somewhere worthy of the effort, like an olive garden or an outback, but I did no such thing.  Instead having immediately realized that he knew we were on a date, I did what any logical person would do…I panicked and took him through the local Wendy’s drive thru. 

The confusion was written clearly across his face as he watched me order a combo with a frosty before turning to him and clumsily asking for his order. I wish I could say it got better from there.  

As we drove back to campus, he offered up his room.  Seemed like he was willing to overlook my faux pas in exchange for an opportunity to spend time alone. For a moment the date seemed salvaged. 

Walking in from the parking lot (we both lived in the same dorms), we were waiting for the elevators when I heard our names from behind us.  Turning around we see our mutual friends sitting in the common area.  I wish I could tell you I waved back at them and then we hopped on the elevator, but the last time anyone had summoned a genie from a bottle had been a pop-star from my childhood.

No. I did the opposite of a good idea, I waved back. Then offered for us to join our friends. Why, do you ask? Because I panicked.  Is that a good reason? No, but the tracks had been ripped up and this soon-to-be train-wreck was running full steam ahead.  

Now, you might think, my date would have swooped in and saved us from a group dinner.  However, he was so confused, at that point, by the mixed signals I was sending, he simply resigned himself to a flat soda and soggy fries shared among our friends. God bless him. 


I will not regale you with the remainder of that night, but suffice it to say, that first date ended as only bad dates can…

As we stood outside my door, still determined to salvage even the smallest piece of our night, he leaned in for a kiss. It was clear then he thought there was still a spark. Even though I had done everything I could to stamp it out. And I, mustering all the panic I could find, offered him a handshake in return.

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1