Happiness, heart breaks, & a whole mess of spelling errors

Category: Happy Poly Moments

Happy Poly Moments: Seaside Memories in Atami

In the journey of discovering poly I’ve experienced many peaks and valleys.  For some this process of construction and deconstruction and reconstruction could seem exhausting. For myself, it’s been a journey worth undertaking.  For all the heartbreaks I carry, there are twice as many cherished memories. Even if some of those memories can be bittersweet.  The beautiful individuals who helped me create them have left an indelible mark on my life, largely for the better, that I’d rather not forget.   One such individual is the Tokyoite, and one such memory, was a seaside trip to a small Japanese city called Atami.

As some of our readers know, early on in my poly journey, one of the first individuals I met was the Tokyoite.  He was the first guy I fell in love with after my Fiance and I had opened our relationship. He & I were also separated by an ocean.  He lived in Tokyo and I lived in San Francisco.  During our time together, I’d had only two chances to visit him in Tokyo.  The first time was when we met initially.  The second time was when we were there for one of my Fiance’s business trips. 

That second time was when the Tokyoite and I had the opportunity to go to Atami. Just the two of us.  For two days and one night we had the opportunity to spend time together, alone and hand-in-hand. 

 We took the bullet train from Tokyo and arrived in the early afternoon to Atami. The first thing we did upon arrival was to find our hotel.  The hotel turned out to be nestled up a hill-side following a few very sharp and harrowing switch-backs.  The pay-off however was a stunning view of the surrounding bay from our private balcony, which also came with its own private little onsen.  The tokyoite had made all the arrangements, unbeknownst to me, and I loved it.  

After dropping off our bags, we promptly left the hotel to traverse back into town.  It wasn’t a big town mind you.  We could probably have walked end to end in about 45 min.  Perfect for two lovebirds, wandering hand in hand, lost in each other’s company. 

The first stop we made was at KiunKaku, a historical inn. We learned the area had once been known as a destination for newlyweds with the hotel at its center.  Even with the rain pattering down around us we could see why. The hotel was serene.  We took our time wandering through the low slung rooms, admiring how each view into the garden was curated and picturesque. 

Following our self-guided tour we’d ended up at a small family-owned restaurant to try the locally harvested seafood.  I’m not always the most adventurous of eaters, but this time, I took a leap and tried to be.  While some of the texture were, unique, I found the dish to be overall enjoyable.  

After lunch we decide to tackle the second of the tourist attractions in the town, Atami Castle.  From afar it looks rather imperious, but we had been warned the whole thing was a campy tourist trap.  It did not disappoint.  It was campy, cheesy, and the two of us had a blast partaking in all the gimmicks the castle had to offer! 

Late in the day while exploring Atami castle, we discovered a welcome surprise on its 5th floor balcony.  For a hundred yen we could rent a towel and soak our tired feet in the little heated foot bath while we watched the sunset over the ocean and the mountains in the distance.  We ended up sitting there for a spell.  It was peaceful and perfect, and just the two of us.  When we’d spent the majority of our relationship apart, we had quickly come to cherish those intimate moments whenever and however they manifested.  

The next morning we spent the time basking in each other’s company before having to check-out.  Seeing as our train back to Tokyo wasn’t until later in the afternoon we spent the day exploring the other half of Atami.  We saw the cherry blossoms, walked through the incredible MOA Museum of Art, and sampled all manner of street foods for lunch.  Before we left the Atami we’d find ourselves once again soaking our tired feet in another, different, heated foot bath outside the train station.  On our ride back to Tokyo that afternoon I remember he had his head nestled on my arm, while I watched the scenery blur by, reflecting on the past few days. With one very unfortunate exception it had been a perfect trip.

I didn’t know it then, but Atami would be one of the last memories we’d share together.  The future would hold some rough roads and hard choices for us, but in that moment, on that train, I was happy.  We had done what up until then we’d thought impossible. A private getaway for the two of us. Atami had been exhilarating, exciting, and at times heartbreaking.  I wish the last part didn’t have to be true.  Unfortunately life is not always the hallmark movie we wish it to be.  I cannot say how the Tokyoite views that trip today, though I do talk to him from time to time, but for me, with one exception, it remains one of my fondest memories.  One I am very happy and thankful I was able to share with him.  

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1

A Joy of Polyamory

With the holidays around the corner and Christmas music in the department stores, it’s finally time to be a bit gooey and talk about happy “holly” poly moments. Some of our previous topics have been on the heavier side and we wanted to shed light on one of the joyful aspects of polyamory. 

Compersion. What? This made-up sounding word is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of “happy poly moments.” Compersion is “a feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.” This term is coined by Kerista Commune. It’s the opposite of jealousy, because a person experiences a positive emotion when seeing their partner(s) with another love interest. While compersion might not equate to “happy poly moments”, they work together to accomplish the joys of poly. 

I first heard this term on the dance floor at a gay days event at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom by the gaymer was dating at the time. As we were dancing, I saw him look off into the distance and start to grin. I peer over in that direction to see what all the smiles were about. He saw his fiancé dancing with his boyfriend and all he could do was smile and say, “Aww.” 

Looking back on the year, there were many moments of compersion and happiness. One in particular I’d like to share with you is during and after our annual Friendsgiving. Every year we host a lovely gathering, where new and close friends drink, eat, and be merry. This year was no exception.

This was the largest year turnout with 38+ people crammed into our rented 3-bedroom, San Franciscan apartment. I distinctly remember one happy poly moment that included me, the gaymer, and another poly friend called “The Kink” . After finishing my plate of food, I made my way around the house to check on everyone and see if there was anything anyone needed. I found myself in the guest room where to one side of the futon was the gaymer and to the other side was the kink, who I had met at a friend’s party earlier. I sat in the middle and cozied up to the gyamer and locked fingers. The kink scooched closer, locked fingers, and he started to gently rub his head against mine. I smiled and sighed in content. I turned towards the gaymer and grinned. We locked eyes and started to make out. It was one of the purest forms of happiness, with no judgement.

After Friendsgiving, a group of us headed to an EDM showcase of several artists with the promise of a special closing act by Seven Lions. They were one of the EDMer’s favorite artists and though we were tired, he had convinced us to go. Out of all our friends to join us, our group consisted of open, poly, couples, and singles. Once Seven Lions came on, we were all in a pure state of ecstasy. I was dancing with one of the kink, while my partner was dancing with the EDMer. Somewhere between the drop and the heavy bass; I glanced over at my partner and started to grin. Then it all clicked, that grin was a product of compersion. I couldn’t contain how ecstatic I was to see the two of them enjoying one another’s company. The only thing that made the night better was listening to Seven Lions perform their song First Time, which if you haven’t heard it yet you should give it a listen. 

So cheers! It has been a journey to get here and I thank you for taking the time to read our  posts. As we round the year out, I’d like to wish you and your loved ones a happy holidays and a splendid new year.

-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

Love is all you need

Seasons Greetings and warm wishes!  May the holidays be full of wine and people you actually want to be around. If the latter half has not proven to be true, then I wish you more wine.  While you’re sipping on your wine, let me entertain you with a tale of Christmas (recent) past and the role poly played. I will mention love many times throughout post, but that is the point, love can change your perception.

I refer to my home, on occasion, as the “best little whore house in Campbell,” and that evening would be one of those occasions. Before the evening could commence however, there were preparations to be made. The house was spotless as is required for any guest vistations, not a speck of dust in sight, the glass reflective as a perfect mirror. I was running a hundred miles a minute from the moment my feet touched the floor. Haircuts, tidying, grocery shopping, and organizing. I would endeavour to not have a hair out of place before the 10-15 or so individuals slated to descend on my tiny 2 bedroom home arrived.

The first to arrive was someone you will all come to know in time as Jellybean. A love of my life and boyfriend of just over a year. His smile lights up a room and that day would be no exception. I wiped off my hands, coated in flour as they were, to catch him as he jumped into my arms and kissed me deeply. It had been a month too long since I’d seen him and this was a much needed visit. Once we were able to catch our breath, we both set quickly to baking. We are a tour de force in the kitchen as a team and baking is my favorite holiday tradition. Before the night was over we’d bake toffee, cookies, fudge, and rice krispies. My lovers would hate me and love me in the same breath for the treats that I had made. 

As we burned our way through 5 lbs of butter, slowly (slowly) the rest of the gays would arrive fashionably late. Some were close friends, the majority of them were part of “The Gaggle”. This was my polycule, a group of guys I’d come to love through shared events and experiences. There was the Couple, a core in their own right, the Nurse, a southern host with charm beyond measure, the Squash Player, with adorable faces that could melt any heart, the Geologist, with a piercing sense of observation, and the Illustrator, with a glowing sense of positivity to cut through the gloom. There was also my Fiance’s own lover, the Puppy, forever seeking to show love.  All individuals whom had made an indelible mark on our lives and whom I couldn’t imagine life without. This was my group, these were my lovers. People I could count on and whom I loved and who in turn, loved me back. For one of the first times in our lives, my Fiance and I, had found a group of individuals we didn’t have to hold back with. The results could not have been more satiating and fulfilling.   

So there we were, the best little of whore house in Campbell in full swing. However, there wasn’t a desire for lust (as might be implied by the name or our past), but instead a desire to be loved. Throughout the night there would be a sense of intimacy. A desire to show love, a desire to show affection. At times I would find myself being held by the Couple and at other times by jellybean. Regardless of whom I was being held by, or whom was doing the holding, the point remained the same. We were all there to be supportive. Looking for even the slightest opportunity to show one another that they were important and loved.    

Any person could have walked across the room, and found welcoming arms wherever they fell. The night was spent in high spirits. Some of us watched movies, others where engaged in a high stakes game of dice. The focus didn’t matter. The truth was simple. We were all loved and we are all worthy of it.  

The night would end in a movie. And to be honest, I don’t even remember many details of the movie. What I do remember is this. After an evening of intimacy and excitement, a group of boys settled down to a night of affection. I fell asleep with Jellybean on one side and the Squash Player on the other, both blissfully nodding off on my shoulders. Never in my life have I felt so needed and loved than in that moment. I fell asleep that night satiated and loved and I couldn’t have asked for more. I had found individuals who loved me for me.  

That night we may have departed to separate rooms, but the truth held firm: We are loved.

-PG1

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