Learning a love language is just as complex as another language; it takes practice, sometimes immersion in the culture, and patience. Most of us aren’t polyglot, who know several languages. I still struggle with English even though it’s my native language. In any case, I persevere through this struggle and discover more about myself in the process.
There are 5 languages of love:
Words of Affirmation
Uses of active listening and words to build up your partner(s).
Gifts
Uses thoughtful gifts and gestures to show your gratitude toward your companion(s).
Act of Services
Uses action to show you’re partnered with them.
Quality Time
Uses undivided attention and focused conversation to connect with your partner(s).
Physical Touch
Uses non-verbal (body language) and touch to express love for their partner(s).
These are the bare minimum definitions of how we give and receive love with our partner(s). Though this test is not as extensive as The Myers Briggs assessment, it provides basic insight on how to understand your partner(s) and/or metamour(s). Understanding someone’s love languages can help build a foundation for new relationships or reconnect an existing one. Like most personality tests, things change over time and who we were ten, five, or even a year ago can change.
The first time my partner and I took the test, my primary love language was quality time and his’ was physical touch. After recently taking the test again, my top language was quality time, followed by acts of service and words of affirmation. These are the ideal ways to understand my partner’s expression of love. While people may have different love languages, this knowledge is used to not only communicate love, but provide prospective to one another. It helps one understand that love is unique, just as people are unique.
Quality time is not always about the physical time, but the prep work and a dash of spontaneity. As an event designer, I’ve learned how to plan an evening down to a T. Granted there are factors such as traffic, cook time, and service that can be unpredictable factors in an evening affair. On the other hand, I was thoroughly impressed by a date that started with a rooftop happy hour, which led to drinks at my favorite book bar, and ended with a run to Japantown for udon. We had both planned bits and pieces of the date but left the rest up to spontaneity.
Our love language bleeds into heartache as well. When I am down, I also like to surround myself with friends and loved ones. The night we got broken up with, I was at a design event and rushed home to make sure my partner was okay. In the uber back, I rallied some friends to be there for me- literally. That was not the same mentality as my partner, he wanted to be alone. Though my partner and I have different love languages, this particular night we utilized different avenues for support. I spent the rest of the evening sharing and bottle of wine (or several) with two friends. Their company eased some of the pressure and helped process some of what was happening.
Overall, love languages are tools and form of communication to feel most loved with our distinctive personalities. These languages relate to not only our paramours, metamours, but friends and family. Being in tune with these insights can help aid any relationship. Even if you’ve taken it before, I challenge you to take The 5 Love Languages quiz. And as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
