If one were to venture back into the annals of our instagram feed, one would find a photograph of a snow globe with the inscription “The Best Little Whore House in Campbell”. It’s a piece of christmas decoration my Grandmother would take pride in knowing I own, though the inscription would most certainly make her blush. Who knows however, maybe she’d catch on to my little joke. The Best Little Whore House in Texas, is one of her favorite musicals after all and there’s no reason such a moniker can’t host more than one meaning.
Holiday traditions have always been a big affair in my household, even growing up. I was blessed with two of every holiday, thanksgiving, christmas, new years. I was also blessed with divorced parents. From the outside it may have seemed strange, I was certainly one of the few families I knew who were divorced in my circle of friends, but with a few bumps along the way, we made it work. What has come of it all these years later is a blended family with blended traditions.
So, what does a blushing grandmother & a divorced family with blended holiday traditions have to do with what you’re buying your paramours this holiday season one may ask? The answer is quite a bit. Holidays can be stressful, and while I personally look forward to them with great adoration, I know for others they can be fraught with emotion & high levels of duress. Now on top of your crazy family, throw in a few paramours & lovers with their own conflicting expectations, and suddenly your white christmas may be washed red with wine, simply to save you from going insane.
When I was a child I was determined that once I was a grown adult I would not have two of every holiday, nor would my children when visiting their grandparents. My parents would have to settle their differences or go without. To this day my sister and I love to sit back and laugh about this. Truth is, no one wants my parents in the same room together, it’s simply not a good fit and no one would enjoy themselves. And so, we have two Christmases, and two Thanksgivings, & separate new years, but you know what that’s ok. It works for our family. Sure we don’t necessarily get to celebrate on the day of, but what you come to realize is it doesn’t matter. The date isn’t what is important, it’s the time you spend together when you do celebrate, whenever that is. As I’ve grown older this adage has only become more true, now there are friends we want to see for the holidays, my fiance’s/boyfriend’s own families, and even some private time for ourselves. It’s a wonderful problem to have, a multitude of loved ones to want to spend cherished time with.
Again I can see how this could be stressful. I could see how some might feel jilted or left out or neglected. Communication & coordination as always are key. This year, in the world of this pandemic, I will sadly not get to see my family, though I miss them immensely. However I will get to spend it cozied up at our (new) home in front of our (new) fireplace with both my fiance and our boyfriends. Then when this is all over, or maybe next year we will find the opportunity to celebrate with our families & friends as well. Is it ideal? No, but we’ve adapted to make the most of it. While this is an extreme case, being adaptable & flexible goes a long way to having a happy & stress free holiday any year.
Long before I came out as poly, I came out as gay. Most of my family was accepting, but there were a few small hiccups here and there with a few members. This caused me some stress in those early years, and because of it there were a few holiday dinners I opted to excuse myself from. As I said earlier, holidays are a big deal for me & so is family, which made the choice all the more harder, but at the time was the right one. Instead of lamenting about what was lost I took the opportunity to throw a friendsgiving and invite others over for our own celebration. It will remain one of my fondest holiday memories. Over the years those hiccups with the family have been smoothed out and we have been able to recapture those family celebrations I’ve missed.
That doesn’t mean the friendsgiving or holiday parties have stopped now that we spend time with the family again. No it just means we have a busier holiday calendar. The celebrations have morphed over time, expanded & contracted as relationships ebb and flow, rather than adhering to a strict tradition we’ve allowed the celebrations to morph as they need. The general outline remains the same, dinner, baking, wine, gift giving, houses full of people put the script is ever changing.
It was last year after one such warm and gleeful evening that I purchased that snow globe. I’m a sucker for christmas decorations as it were, and in the afterglow of the celebration the Best Little Whore House we created in Campbell only seemed fitting. This isn’t a typical post about poly and navigating its waters, this is a post about the holidays and making the most of them. You’ve spent the whole year trying to grow & nurture those relationships and those people who are important to you. Take the next few weeks to simply be with them & celebrate that love and be happy. God knows we could all use a little bit of that this year.
-Always in love & wool socks for the cold weather,
Poly Guy 1
