We’ve all heard of the term “butterflies feeling.” It’s an undeniably strong feeling we have with a person, primarily, in the beginning of a relationship. I never stopped to question the feeling, or even knew there was another term for it, I always just went with it.
More Than Two defines New Relationship Energy (NRE) as: A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship. This energy from NRE is believed to be accompanied with emotional bonding, feelings of happiness and self-well-being.
My partner and I’s relationship started off casual. He was in an open relationship when we first met. The first time we hung out, he came over, I made him dinner and had a simple “Netflix and chill” session. After our first hangout, I felt quite content, open, and trusting toward him. Months to follow, we were still seeing each other with no label established. Him and his boyfriend had broken up and I was too nervous to ask for clarification of our own status. We eventually got to talking and agreed we were dating one another. I was ecstatic, it was like another dose of NRE. We went on our first Valentine’s Day date at The Stinking Rose, an Italian restaurant known for its garlic-infused dishes. We split our first bottle of Riesling, which I personally thought was super romantic for one of our first official dates.
It was a couple months later, my housemate’s “ex” girlfriend had come up to San Francisco to spend spring break with us. We spent the day hiking in Muir Woods, with stops at the Golden Gate Bridge, Marin Headlands, and other various city landmarks. After dinner, I took them to a sporty gay bar in hopes they’d enjoy the sports vibe. Unfortunately, by the time we made it to the bar there were no games to show, so instead there was a rotation of jocks and cocks. They were thoroughly impressed.
It was to my surprise that my partner decided to join us after his shift. Within minutes of meeting up with us, he was exchanging numbers with my housemate’s “ex” girlfriend. The night would lead us into a spontaneous outing. Throughout the night, I’d look at my partner and smile. The interactions between the four of us just seemed effortless. We ended our night at the infamous Castro bar, Badlands, known for its Top 40 hits and being the bar that everyone ends up at back then. After the bar closed, before getting a dirty street hotdog, we took an obligatory group picture to remember the night.
It truly was a night of bliss. We got back to our apartment, my housemate and his “ex” girlfriend went to bed while my partner and I stayed up longer. Probably to make soup for my forever-hungry self. That night was an all-inclusive feeling of excitement, happiness, and something new. As we made our way into the kitchen, we soon found ourselves making out on the floor and against the oven. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted something more from the relationship. So, I sat on his lap and asked if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He said yes and we continued making out.
As I continue to journey down the path of polyamory, I start to notice the similarities between poly and monogamous relationships. Poly relationships have similar mechanics to other relationships, just with added components. New relationship energy had taken full force that night and led to my partner and I becoming officially boyfriends. After five years together, a lot has happened and it can be hard to remember what drew us to one another. It was a conjunction of many things, including new relationship energy, in the relationship that brought us together in the first place.
Like all things, NRE cannot last forever. But if you stick out the relationship, what can come from it is called Old Relationship Energy (ORE), which More Than Two defines as “the feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship.” While I may have stirred things in my current relationship, I hope we can get back to a point like this. With some effort and a whole lot of patience, I believe we can make it happen. ORE is just special as NRE. It withstands the test of time. And love is love right? Old love, new love, I will always have a special place for my partner’s love. As always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
