Seasons Greetings and warm wishes! May the holidays be full of wine and people you actually want to be around. If the latter half has not proven to be true, then I wish you more wine. While you’re sipping on your wine, let me entertain you with a tale of Christmas (recent) past and the role poly played. I will mention love many times throughout post, but that is the point, love can change your perception.
I refer to my home, on occasion, as the “best little whore house in Campbell,” and that evening would be one of those occasions. Before the evening could commence however, there were preparations to be made. The house was spotless as is required for any guest vistations, not a speck of dust in sight, the glass reflective as a perfect mirror. I was running a hundred miles a minute from the moment my feet touched the floor. Haircuts, tidying, grocery shopping, and organizing. I would endeavour to not have a hair out of place before the 10-15 or so individuals slated to descend on my tiny 2 bedroom home arrived.
The first to arrive was someone you will all come to know in time as Jellybean. A love of my life and boyfriend of just over a year. His smile lights up a room and that day would be no exception. I wiped off my hands, coated in flour as they were, to catch him as he jumped into my arms and kissed me deeply. It had been a month too long since I’d seen him and this was a much needed visit. Once we were able to catch our breath, we both set quickly to baking. We are a tour de force in the kitchen as a team and baking is my favorite holiday tradition. Before the night was over we’d bake toffee, cookies, fudge, and rice krispies. My lovers would hate me and love me in the same breath for the treats that I had made.
As we burned our way through 5 lbs of butter, slowly (slowly) the rest of the gays would arrive fashionably late. Some were close friends, the majority of them were part of “The Gaggle”. This was my polycule, a group of guys I’d come to love through shared events and experiences. There was the Couple, a core in their own right, the Nurse, a southern host with charm beyond measure, the Squash Player, with adorable faces that could melt any heart, the Geologist, with a piercing sense of observation, and the Illustrator, with a glowing sense of positivity to cut through the gloom. There was also my Fiance’s own lover, the Puppy, forever seeking to show love. All individuals whom had made an indelible mark on our lives and whom I couldn’t imagine life without. This was my group, these were my lovers. People I could count on and whom I loved and who in turn, loved me back. For one of the first times in our lives, my Fiance and I, had found a group of individuals we didn’t have to hold back with. The results could not have been more satiating and fulfilling.
So there we were, the best little of whore house in Campbell in full swing. However, there wasn’t a desire for lust (as might be implied by the name or our past), but instead a desire to be loved. Throughout the night there would be a sense of intimacy. A desire to show love, a desire to show affection. At times I would find myself being held by the Couple and at other times by jellybean. Regardless of whom I was being held by, or whom was doing the holding, the point remained the same. We were all there to be supportive. Looking for even the slightest opportunity to show one another that they were important and loved.
Any person could have walked across the room, and found welcoming arms wherever they fell. The night was spent in high spirits. Some of us watched movies, others where engaged in a high stakes game of dice. The focus didn’t matter. The truth was simple. We were all loved and we are all worthy of it.
The night would end in a movie. And to be honest, I don’t even remember many details of the movie. What I do remember is this. After an evening of intimacy and excitement, a group of boys settled down to a night of affection. I fell asleep with Jellybean on one side and the Squash Player on the other, both blissfully nodding off on my shoulders. Never in my life have I felt so needed and loved than in that moment. I fell asleep that night satiated and loved and I couldn’t have asked for more. I had found individuals who loved me for me.
That night we may have departed to separate rooms, but the truth held firm: We are loved.
-PG1
