Ask my fiance, my boyfriend, or my co-conspirator about my planning abilities, and you will receive the same response. A fit of laughter. I’m constantly having to be reminded of events, birthdays, anniversaries, or really anything that requires me to be on time. It’s not from any desire to avoid such events. Simply an overly packed schedule, combined with the memory of a gold-fish. Rather than constantly promising to be better and failing. I have learned (am learning) the value of a shared calendar. A sentiment shared by any individual seeking to maintain a successful polyamourous relationship. Coordinating and using a shared calendar, while it does not ensure success of a polyamorous relationship, will make it infinitley more attainable. (Poly Guy 1)
As an event planner, time has always been of the essence of the job and that bled into my personal life. Figuring out how late I could stay at work before I had to take in Uber home in order to make a dinner reservation. But it wasn’t alway like that, I used to be a terrible planner and over book my schedule. Between the birthday parties, friends in town, and spontaneous plans can be a bit hard to predict and plan for. Now, when engaging in multiple relationships, it’s important to make time for each person and for ourselves. It sucks to be the person who makes plans and then continuously breaks them due to mis-scheduling issues. (Poly Guy 2)
We’ve already discussed one benefit of a shared calendar in our last post. Specifically sexual health and testing. If we expand that view even just a little further we can see how such a calendar could help to bring balance to the relationships on a larger scale.
Both I and my co-conspirator have found scheduling a breeze with Google Calendar. It is one of the few apps that worked with both Apple and Android products. A shared calendar allows us to visually see the time we allot for other people and commitments. It also allows for our partners to be informed of events and changes that might occur. This is a great resource for partners who live together or apart. Google Calendar keeps track of plans and allows others to make arrangements around those plans.
Having the ability to see what others are doing and when, reduces the frequency of double booking and scheduling conflicts. It does not eliminate them of course, but oftentimes provides a clearer and more reliable picture of what is happening in the coming days, weeks, months. It is far from a replacement to direct communication, but more a way to ensure individuals are on the same page.
It definitely helped at the beginning of my poly journey because it allowed my partner to see the days I’d be home later or back the next day. We also scheduled time for each other, family, and friend commitments. It was helpful to be aware of other commitments when making new plans without our partner(s). If my partner spent the night at a boy’s place, it gave me the time to do clean, catch up on a TV show or on some writing. (Poly Guy 2)
One thing I learned when starting a shared calendar, but any calendar really, was to realize how possible it was to become overbooked. As much as we enjoy spending time socializing, and spending quality time with others, it is also important to make time for ourselves. It can help to recharge our batteries, and provide a needed opportunity for self-care. This by no means has to be an extravagant affair, simply a little down time to decompress.
Shared calendars had their benefits and drawbacks. Some may view a shared calendar as a company-like tool to schedule meetings and offsites with employees. While, yes it can feel like a mundane act it calculates those weekends or weeknight, but also comforting at the same time. To visually see the time spent blocked out for others gives me some relief. Our shared plans from third party sites, such as Facebook, can be easily imported to my partner and I’s calendar.
We both have seen how a shared calendar helped plan with our other partners. Yet because it is in the calendar, doesn’t make it true. Plans can change and it is important to communicate with our partner(s). Let us know what works for you and how you plan with others. Stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.
- Always in Love, Poly Guy 1 & Friendly Poly Guy 2
