Some of you have heard the term, but I’m guessing more than a few of you have not. Though I’m sure all of you have experienced it at some point or another in your life. Its that butterfly feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re crush takes hold of your hand, or the urge of simply wanting to be around and close to someone. The feelings can manifest in any number of ways, but it all goes by the same name New Relationship Energy (NRE). Others may refer to it as the honeymoon phase. Regardless what term you call it by, it serves the amazing purpose of bringing individuals together and facilitating a drive and desire to get to know somebody on an intimate and potentially romantic level.
As with all things poly, its relationship with NRE can be a complicated one. I’m someone who loves to wade into those waters of new love and new relationships. Beginnings are exciting times and the experience can be intoxicating. When you have that spark or connection it can be engaging and the only thing you may want to do is see where it goes. There-in however lies the danger. Sometimes if you’re not conscious of your actions it can be a little like falling down a rabbit hole, to the neglect of your other relationships.
Before anyone gets the idea this is a issue special to poly only. Think of someone you know who is monogamous and a time when they got into a new relationship. Chances are if you wrack your brain hard enough, you probably can think of someone who dropped off the face of the earth when they got into such a relationship. All their time was spent with that one individual. Seemingly every waking minute was planned around the desires of the couple.
In poly this can be doubly so. Contrary to what every romance novel would tell you NRE can strike more than once. It’s just as exciting and unique as the first time it happens. Unlike monogamous relationships though, in poly relationships there may or may not be other romantic interest already involved when it strikes a new. When that happens it can open the door to any number of feelings and emotions. Not just for the one experiencing the NRE, but their partners as well. For the individual’s partners, it can stir up any number of emotions ranging from compersion on one side of the scale to jealousy on the other.
For those experiencing the NRE, congratulations, it’s an exciting feeling. However, in the midst of experiencing new love, don’t forget to attend to your existing relationships. It can be easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and while I’m all for following the passion try to remain cognizant of the blinders NRE can place on you. Don’t allow the flourishing of a new relationship come at the cost of existing ones. Attend to the relationship(s) you have existing, they are there because you chose for them to be there and you want them there. For those watching from the outside in, as your partner wends their way through this new flood of emotions, some of you may be able to experience compersion. Taking joy in your partner’s newly manifested feelings and happiness. For others it can lead to hesitation, especially if it is your first time in such a situation.
While you should always communicate with your partner, this is one scenario where communication is absolutely necessary. Especially in the beginning, it can help to establish boundaries and a working dialogue. It can aid to alleviate the fear or jealousy that can manifest. It ensures that while the schedule may change, it is still reliable. Most importantly it gives everyone a chance to feel seen and heard.
Finally keep in mind NRE will not last forever. It may last one month, it may last two years (or so I’ve read somewhere). That may sound scary to some, but NRE is not representative of the entire lifespan of a relationship. It is but one step in the evolutionary process. In time feelings morph, passion can give way to a deeper love and connection. Does that mean you’ll never have fiery white hot sex again? No it just means in between those times you’re rolling around under the covers, you’ll find serenity in holding the one you love close & being content.
NRE can be an exciting experience within the realm of the polyworld, and really within the realm of any intimate relationship(s). However in running full steam ahead, it behooves us not to lose sight of our surroundings less we sacrifice other relationships we have worked so hard to build.
- Almost 32nd Birthday, Poly Guy 1
