For those who are looking to binge another romance show, look no further. Modern Love, on Prime Videos, is a series based on real-life personal essays featured in The New York Times. The series examines love in all of its beauty and complexity. While Modern Love doesn’t touch upon polyamory specifically, it does pose the effects love has on the human connection. More specifically on how intertwined things are in realizing what we truly want and need in a meaningful connection. We know every relationship in some way (positive, negatives or a variation in between) changes us. The exposure, and ongoing journey, with poly has certainly transformed my outlook on relationships.
The initial introduction with poly opened my mind to the mechanics that contribute to a relationship. Love itself is multi-faceted and there are many factors to consider. Such as societal, economical, and family upbringings (to name a few) that play a role in how we view relationships. As stated in previous posts, I grew up in a suburban setting, geared toward monogamy. It was the only visible route, unless you were Mormon. The narrative was backed by romantic comedies, love songs, and family values that displayed a romantic relationship shared between two people. As the only out LGBT person on both sides of my family, I always had to seek advice from outside sources.
When it came to poly, I really had to have an open mind to the possibility of love. How it can work with more than one lover, both emotionally and sexually. The quote, “don’t yuck my yum” has proven to be true, especially when meeting others who have different interests than your own. I learned more about poly and grasped the process and foundation. Polyamory has proven that relationships are not a “one size fits all” dynamic. They come in various forms depending on what is worked out between the individuals involved. With an open mind more is possible. In my case, happiness is derived from the people, the experience, and the attitude going into a situation.
Similar to my co-writer’s sentiment, relationships are work. A poly relationship cannot excel if the proper work hasn’t been put in. My initial introduction to poly was a sensory overload of components. It included my primary partner, the EDMer, and the Gaymer, along with working with a work, life, and social balance. My focus and attention shifted away from my partner and toward the Gaymer. I was so caught up in understanding something completely different, that I set aside the relationships I was currently involved in. It doesn’t make up for what happened later on. This was a critical point to uncovering one of my own faults. I was unprepared and the results demonstrated that. Relationships broke down, interactions became more difficult to communicate, and ultimately ended up in disarray.
Looking back, I realized that I’d gotten caught up in something new, I lost sight of what I already had, and myself. It can be a rabbit hole with new relationship energy. Both exciting and dangerous depending on how you use it. I keep hearing my old partner’s voice in my head whenever I said, “What’s the harm in striving to have it all.” His response, “Me, I am what could be lost.” Like warning signals, his words are ingrained in me now. This experience has shown that multiple concurrent relationships are possible with the stipulation that all parties are ready for that.
Going from an open-partnership, to a throuple dynamic, to polyamory, in the span of two months was too quick for my partner and I. Our communication degraded and arguments became the new norm. It was unhealthy but I was too stubborn to change my action. Polyamory puts into perspective what is doable (or fair) for a person. What I was able to give to my partner(s) may not equate to what works for them. And that’s okay, as long as needs are openly communicated. In many cases, people have found a common ground to discuss and find a suitable solution.
Overall, polyamory has expanded the idea of what is possible in a relationship. As a millennial, I’ve inherited this notion of no regrets because with each relationship came a valuable insight that I can use to grow. Those societal boxes such as to graduate college, find a partner, settle down, have kids had portrayed an unrealistic view of how life should be. Instead I have taken the initiative to define that for myself.
In any case, let us know what works for you. And as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights into happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
