Looking for love, a connection, or just a random hookup? There’s an app for that.
There is no denying that the dating scene has come a long way from the old fashioned method of handwritten letters, the set up by friends, or procuring a telephone number at a bar. The digital age has provided users with the tools to view more people than they would have met on their own accord. It has also facilitated connections to people from around the world. These apps allow us to swipe left and right or gaze upon a waterfall of potential love interests. Perhaps this is what drives the hookup culture among the gay community. We are now confronted with a saturation of potential options at our fingertips.
Though we must realize that all dating apps are not equal. Such apps like Grindr, Scruff, and Jack’d are considered hookup apps, where members can instantly meet up with people based on proximity. Each app has their unique profile interface. Scruff allots a section for people to identify their community or explain what they are into. Some of these communities described are: bear, muscle, daddy, geek, jock, leather, discreet, military, queer, chaser, bisexual, transgender, and twink. Though the two other apps have a similar section, Scruff has more available options for users.
On the other hand there are apps that are primarily used mainly for dating. Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, OK Cupid, and Hinge need both parties to consent to one another before a conversation can begin. This avenue allows protection from unsolicited dick pics and random messages from faceless men. This route allows for you to actually “talk” to another person before taking their connection to the next level.
Personally, when I met my last partner I was not looking for anything serious . I was 20-something years old, going to college and working two jobs at the time. I had matched with my partner on Tinder during the fall semester followed by those immortal messages I sent, “Hey.” Who knew that would solidify the rest of the last five years of my life. Though it did not last eternally like the Always and Forever song by Heatwave, it was fun while it lasted. Those were some of the best of my years, traveling around Europe, playing softball, and getting married to a goofball of a person.
Maybe due to technological advancements, we have lost the sight of how to date and what it could be. Some find comfort and security behind the screens of our phones. I cannot remember the last time a guy actually hit on me when I was out with or vice versa. For some, it might be easy to make a connection of topics and texts before actually meeting up for a drink. After all we have a finite amount of free time and we can’t spend it going on countless number of meetups or dates.
Perhaps the past year of quarantine has dulled our skills to socialize and mingle with strangers. About a month ago I was at a bar with some friends to watch the newest RuPaul’s Drag Race episode. While there, I saw this beautiful man. He was in scrubs and with one other person. Was it a date, a friend, an old colleague. I was too scared to make a move, so instead I made eye contact and then opened all my dating apps. Sure enough he was on Grindr. I was more keen to send a message versus walking up to him and potentially embarrassing myself.
Looking back on my experience with hookup culture through various dating apps, I am reminded that the self we choose to present on these platforms are only a mere facet of our true selves. We can take macho pictures and write to our hearts content about likes, dislikes and interests. It’s not till we meet that person in real life do we understand that person in greater depth. As things begin to open up again and we are able to recover some “normalcy,” I will take a closer look at how I pursue both love interests and hookups. At the end of the day we are all looking for some sort of connection; Whether that’s for the moment, a lifetime, or somewhere in between… It’s ultimately in our hands.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
