Circa 2013. Newly transferred to San Francisco State University to begin college and had been dating the accountant. I established a true connection and then (due to impatience, among other things) lost it. That was one of the toughest break ups of my life. I wasn’t determined to get back on the proverbial horse and date for bonding, but rather spent the time chatting up guys and weeding out potential dates. The intention was purely fun, I didn’t want to seek out the meaningful connection of a lover because I was still healing from the aftermath of the previous relationship. It was an opportunity to make the most of my time and discover meaningful connections with strangers. But low and behold fate (or whatever you want to call it) had other plans.
The various encounters set off a chain reaction of less than desirable men to penetrate the walls of my inner thoughts and eventually led to a terrible relationship, I’ll call him “The Unambitious.” He was wrong in so many ways, mini alcoholic, terrible communication style, self-centered, and very petty. Our relationship lasted less than a year but he definitely did a number on my mental health. As much I tried to move on from him, he’d always find a way to weasel his way back into my life. It didn’t help that he was friends with one of my best friends at the time.
It wasn’t until about two years later, I was with my last partner, The Simulation (Sim) Tech, that I realized I needed to cut him out of my life completely. I was clearly happy with the Sim Tech and the Unambitious saw this and still tried to win me back in front of him. That did not go so well for the Unambitious. I did get a nice travel journal out of the experience, along with satisfaction of some loves needed to be let go.
Now as I enter the world, 28, single, and ready to mingle. Not purely for bonding, but for fun. I don’t want to do what I’ve done in the past, where I jump from relationship to relationship. It’s unhealthy and does not allot for time to process everything. Though we are out of The Shelter in Place order, I am also not going to start dating random people for fun just yet. There’s so many possibilities for exposure to COVID and I don’t want to risk that. Instead, I will have fun in other ways. Perhaps finding a quarantine bae, as some have suggested.
My plans to date for fun are now out in the universe and I am certain something will happen. The saying, “You don’t find love, it finds you,” really comes in full view as I look back on the past genuine connections I made. My dating nature has been a mixture of both bonding and fun. Having meaningless hot sex, while it can be a momentarily release, doesn’t over all exonerate all the feelings. I enjoy having a shared connection before engaging in a sexual experience. Moving forward, dating will include a mixture of both fun and bonding.
In retrospect, each relationship has played a key role in the development of myself. Without one, the other couldn’t have formed. They have brought me to this point in my life and I am proud to be who I have become, but also scared, nervous, and a bit excited. In this day and age, dating is not just one thing or another, but a combination of various components.
In any case, let us know what works for you. And as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights into happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
