Category: Reconnections

People & relationships in my life ebb & flow.  One moment it feels as if they will always be by my side & always have been.  The next the tides of time and commitments have pulled us apart.  Sometimes dramatically as if yanked away by a roaring riptide & yet other times almost without notice.  As if we’re both coasting along the same current, but somewhere along the way the currents veered and we begin drifting further and further apart. Regardless of the manner in which it occur, just because we drifted apart, does not mean we won’t wend our way back together some time in the future.

There are those relationships that drift apart & people become estranged.  That is another topic entirely, which for now we’ll set aside. There are other relationships, where for one reason or another one party is unable to commit as much time or attention & over time, for a period of time the engagement tapers off.  It can be for any number of reasons, health, a career, family, a pandemic.  Sometimes we all need a moment to realign our focus on immediate priorities.  A chance to bring equilibrium back to our lives when one area takes a nose dive off the deep end.     

This pandemic has presented a very clear example of this. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic.  My social network has crumbled over the course of this pandemic. There are a few relationships I have maintained & even one or two I’ve built brand new. These I am eternally grateful for. There are quite a few, however, including those previously noted that have suffered over the course of these past few months. Like everyone, at one point or another my emotional & social resources have been drained.  The effect, of course, is that my world gets a little bit smaller. Does it mean I don’t care for all the individuals I used to talk to, that I don’t any longer or maybe less frequently?  Far from it, it pains me that I’m not able to keep up with everyone.  

As I mentioned in the beginning though, the people in our life ebb & flow. This time is not any different, in that regard.  When we emerge from this pandemic and the world begins to open again, as my energy sources are replenished, I will begin to reach out again.  I’ll begin to rebuild those connections again.  There’s no guarantee for reciprocity, but I do hope the bonds that I have built before this chaos, will be strong enough to weather the storm. What I hope to find is the person I knew before and to hear how they’ve grown and what they’ve experienced in the interim.  It will be a chance to bond over shared, but separate experiences.  Maybe we’ll laugh, we’ll no doubt shed a tear or two, but at the end of the day, the relationship will be stronger for it.

This pandemic is an extreme & tragic example of a life event. The truth of the matter is we can drift apart as easily for a positive reason as a negative one. A child’s birth, a new spouse, a new job. Sometimes we need a moment to focus on what is in front of us. Sometimes we need a chance to venture out and grow on our own. Sometimes we get to be part of that person’s journey and share in the grief or the joy it brings, other times maybe not.  In the instances where, we can’t be part of the journey, in the relationships that matter, take solace in the tides, they ebb and flow. In time those people you care about and who care about you will find their way back or vice versa. The time will come when you once again drift on the same currents.    

-Always in Love & Always Adrift, Poly Guy 1

Have you ever had that moment after a breakup that you find yourself getting messages from people in the woodworks. They talk about how they liked you and wanted to ask you out on a date? If not, you are in luck. That has been my life for the past couple of months. I am a unique soul because I do find a lot of men attractive: I am a twink Asian who finds bears, twinks, Asians, White and a plethora of other men attractive. I am someone who’d like to consider myself a very body positive person. It’s not what they look like that matters to me, it’s more about personality. 

A proposal of a date is quite far from what I am looking for now. I would rather just have my quarantine bae and cuddle through the cupping season. But like life has it, things show up when you least expect it. 

The year was 2020. Place was San Francisco. The night like any other night except there was a bit more wine consumption than anticipated. I had spent the night calling upon an old flings. One in particular I had texted prior with the premise of informing him of my life updates: laid off, a divorce, and moving locations. This one in particular stuck out because it was only a block away from where he was staying the last time we hung out, which was about 1 or 2 years ago. It was a coincidence that when I mentioned I was moving to his part of the city, that he asked who I was moving in with. There was a poly gay guy and a straight guy. 

He proceeded to ask for their names, I gave them both names. In response, he mentioned that he knew my gay, attractive, polyamourous housemate. My new housemate is fun and likes to game, something they shared in common. I noticed the connection between my friend and my new housemate. 

So conversation lent an opening to talk more about more than just topical things. We spent the next few days texting about our lives and how we view the world. It was nice to reconnect with him. I have been bad on my end of catching up with some of the people in my life. But that is how life works in a pandemic. Some friends just drop off the face of the planet, others find some new hobbies, but in that time people lose connection with others. It’s okay, that’s fine because some of those relationships will start again like no time has passed. 

To continue my story of reconnecting with an old fling after all. He was someone I went to university with and worked with as a resident advisor (RA). He was around my height, white, and super cute. His slick hair, hamster-like teeth, and sparkling personality had been weak on my knees. He was the one I was too timid to talk to much through our time in college. Thankfully we were able to reconnect. Catch up and hang out. I am most fortunate for his kindness. We did like any old gay acquaintance would do: complement one another on their looks, the new place and their accomplishments. We spent the night talking, watching Steven Universe, and cuddling. That’s all folks! He has a boyfriend and they are not non-monogamous. 

Reconnect. To those who are losing faith in life, I say don’t give up. Reach out to a friend, family member, or acquaintance who might get a smile from that message. Reach out to us and tell us how we are doing? We are rounding on a year of starting this blog.

And as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights into happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.

 -Your Friendly and Talkative Poly Guy 2