The Boys in Town

Happiness, heart breaks, & a whole mess of spelling errors

Category: Posts (Page 2 of 5)

Shakespeare in Love: The Import of Nicknames

September 14, 2020 /

I’ve had an infatuation with nicknames since I was young, it started with watching TV shows and watching animated groups of kids referring to each by code names they had created together.  That infatuation has carried over into my adult life.  A number of people in my life have one.  It is rarely something that can be forced.  More something that occurs over time, inspired often by the relationship itself and the experiences that define it.

I call my Fiance, Handsome, because one day it occurred to me I didn’t tell him he was near as much as I thought I should.  If I always referred to him as such, then he would be constantly reminded.  My co-conspirator I refer to as Mama Bear, because on more than one occasion, I have traipsed behind this individual through a dark and crowded dance floor as he attends to the others in the group.  Regardless if he’s one or four drinks in, he always has tabs on the others, an admirable quality.  My boyfriend I refer to as Jellybean & he refers to me as Skittlez.  On my phone is a photo folder called the Mars Bars Candy Co, in which we share photos.  Why we refer to each other by such names.  I can’t even begin to tell you.  I have not the slightest clue where they come from; they just seem to fit us. I could list a dozen others that have come and gone over time.  Sunshine, Bug, Tater-Tot, Tim Tam, Boo Boo, Dude, Whitey Wack, Hubs, Friend….Each one of these nicknames is tied to a person, a time, a place, & a well of emotions & memories.  Some of them were mine and some of them belonged to the other individual.

For myself, I’ve always enjoyed the uniqueness these nicknames imbue. Again I’ve never tried to force a nickname.  Those times I have, it has almost always failed and, in fact, felt forced.  When they happen organically over time, sometimes, I don’t even realize they’ve manifested. Then I will refer to that person by their nickname when speaking to an outside individual and in return get a confused look.  To those outside of the dynamic these nicknames hold no symbolism or meaning. They may be seen as cute or cheesy, but some descriptors fail to capture the depth and meaning built into these nicknames.  

Nicknames are a manifestation of who that person is to me and the bond we’ve developed.  That connection is something that can only be developed over time, which is not to say the duration must be long, but meaningful and/or impactful. Each nickname is unique, they’re often only applicable & usable by those with-in the relationship. If that were ever unclear, try calling someone by a nickname you know they go by, but you don’t use for them yourself.  Chances are it will feel odd on your tongue.

In the end nicknames are a way for me to express my affection and to build a connection with others.  To me the vocabulary makes sense.  I know for others, nicknames don’t hold as large an import.  And that’s ok. The important lesson here is that we find ways to express our affection that is true to who we are.   

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1

Kiss Pookie!

July 14, 2020 /

Welcome back, due to recent events The Poly Guys will be (for the foreseeable future) releasing new material every two weeks. Don’t worry though that just means we will have more time to craft our stories for you to enjoy. 

Let’s begin… The first thing that comes to mind when I think of nicknames is the movie rendition of Tango: Maureen, from Rent. A lyric from that song, “has she ever pouted her lips and called you pookie,” rings in my ear. What is the significance of a nickname? How does it happen? Does a recycled nickname diminish its value? These are only a few questions that come to mind with this topic. 

At some point in time, we’ve all had some sort of nickname bestowed upon us. Whether these names were given to by family members, friends, or lovers; they exist as a form of endearment. Some of these names, such as “babe” or “love,” can be quite common in an intimate circle of friends. It can also signify our affection toward a person as well. Articles have pointed out that relationships can benefit from pet names for their significant other. Nicknames can be important because it is almost like an inside joke with someone.

Nicknames can be forged out of a person’s name, related to a shared experience, or something else entirely. My own experience with nicknames has been interesting. The most used nicknames for myself have either been a shortened version of my first name. And yes, I’ve been subjected to names such as: babe, love, cutie, baby, and many others. In most cases their purpose was positively correlated to the relationship dynamic between a person and I. 

To be honest, nicknames have never been my strong suit. Though like my co-writer wrote, a shared experience has streamlined the process. The most recent nickname I gave was Baby Cub, due to receiving Mama Bear by my co-conspirator. Names stemmed from night like no other. The grand soiree leading up to the Folsom Street Fair weekend: Aftershock. It was a circuit party, which is LGBT related dance party leading into or following the main event. A group of us gathered to celebrate and dance the night away. After some time, my instincts kicked in and I made my rounds to make sure everyone was doing well, if they needed anything. I saw the name fitting my personality and willingly accepted it.

Using common nicknames doesn’t detract from their meaning. The common names, such as: baby, babe, love, sweetie, handsome, and many more, are too broad to make such claims of overuse or being disingenuous. These are cute nicknames that are often used in various stages of a relationship. Such nicknames have an attached meaning. Just like I wouldn’t say I love you to every person, I use nicknames for those who matter most.

At the end of the day, we all use nicknames in our own ways for various reasons. Let us know what nicknames work for you.  And as always, stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights into happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.

 -Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

How poly has changed your view on relationships: Into the Unknown

June 3, 2020 /

Being poly has only shone a brighter light on that which I had already known to be true.  I have to work at relationships.  I have to communicate and commit and be open to hearing that maybe my way isn’t always the right way (I had a great example of this one very fine morning as I sipped some coffee that my boy-friend tried very hard to persuade me not to buy).  

As I settle more and more into the lifestyle I have chosen to maintain.  I’ve had the time to experience more within the realms of my own relationships and also had the opportunity to reflect on those experiences. In this small window that I’ve had (Keeping in mind my journey, I would argue, is still its infancy at less than 5 years), there are a few things that have stood out to me.  Some are positive, some negative, but all valuable.  Let’s take a moment to look at a few of these now.

Perhaps one of my favorite revelations is that falling in love can happen more than once and concurrently without detriment to those relationships that are existing.  We’ve talked about this subject here before.  It starts with a spark and rolls into new relationship energy, where it goes from there is anyone’s guess. Sometimes it ends up in a new relationship, other times a solid friendship, and in others still a passionate one time fling.  That journey is exciting to me. What this revelation has done for me is allow me to process those emotions without feeling as if I’m somehow cheating my existing relationships or putting them in jeopardy.  

In past monogamous relationships that is something I have dealt with, where I’ve brushed-up against or crossed-paths with an individual, who for whatever reason or another, draws me to them like a magnet.  It can be scary in those situations! There was a pull to understand that magnetism and it was conflicted by a fear that in doing so, it somehow spelt doom for my current relationship.  What a poly dynamic does allows you to do, however, is to explore those feelings in a safe and understanding environment.  The environment takes away this notion that somehow you’re seeking out some forbidden or poisoned fruit and instead normalizes what are very common human emotions and responses.

Moving on to the second part of that revelation, the idea that falling is love is not a linear process.  Falling in love with my boyfriend did not mean I was falling-out of love with my finance’. All the change meant was, I had another person to love.  New relationships can be seen as a threat because they can shake up the status quo.  Which is probably the biggest fear for me. It is in essence, the uncertainty it can bring to a relationship. However, it does not mean someone is loved any less, simply that adjustments might need to be made in our schedules and feelings, which should be discussed anyways, take a front seat in these discussions. That statement is also not isolated to new relationships exclusively.  The same could be said of many changes, a new career, a new hobby, growing a family…..Change happens in a variety of forms and with it uncertainty.        

Being Poly has taught me to be ok with the unknown in a relationship, and if not ok, at least not to run away scared.  There is a lot to unpack in opening oneself up to multiple relationships, however many someone chooses to maintain. Two, three, ten (lord save that individual).  The scary part is, many of us, myself included, can feel like we’re wading into uncharted territory.  We don’t get a dearth of self-help books to walk us through every aspect of our relationships. Instead we have a, we’ll call it budding, reservoir of knowledge that is slowly trickling into mainstream.  Until then, we don’t get to look at the couple next store and say hey! Look it worked for them, we can figure it out too! We get to scratch our head and go well fuck. Now what do we do?

I’ve had partner’s look at me for answers and all I can say is I don’t know. That’s scary! But also exciting! But scary! We have to forge our own path in a lot of ways, and trust in those we love that we’re heading in the same direction. Or at least one of us is leaving a trail of crumbs for the other to find when they get lost. Learning that it’s ok not to have all the answers can be as liberating as it is terrifying.  It takes the pressure off of any one individual and makes it the responsibility of the whole to work out a solution.  Everyone gets to feel as if they’re collectively building towards a better…something. 

Poly has taught me a few new tricks, but what it’s really done is shown me that if I want my relationship(s) to shine I have to put in the work. That the end result is worth the effort. Because the fact of the matter is you will, by choice or by force, have to make a decision and work towards it or accept it.  Wouldn’t you rather be at the table helping when you can?  

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1

Happy Poly Moments: Seaside Memories in Atami

May 18, 2020 /

In the journey of discovering poly I’ve experienced many peaks and valleys.  For some this process of construction and deconstruction and reconstruction could seem exhausting. For myself, it’s been a journey worth undertaking.  For all the heartbreaks I carry, there are twice as many cherished memories. Even if some of those memories can be bittersweet.  The beautiful individuals who helped me create them have left an indelible mark on my life, largely for the better, that I’d rather not forget.   One such individual is the Tokyoite, and one such memory, was a seaside trip to a small Japanese city called Atami.

As some of our readers know, early on in my poly journey, one of the first individuals I met was the Tokyoite.  He was the first guy I fell in love with after my Fiance and I had opened our relationship. He & I were also separated by an ocean.  He lived in Tokyo and I lived in San Francisco.  During our time together, I’d had only two chances to visit him in Tokyo.  The first time was when we met initially.  The second time was when we were there for one of my Fiance’s business trips. 

That second time was when the Tokyoite and I had the opportunity to go to Atami. Just the two of us.  For two days and one night we had the opportunity to spend time together, alone and hand-in-hand. 

 We took the bullet train from Tokyo and arrived in the early afternoon to Atami. The first thing we did upon arrival was to find our hotel.  The hotel turned out to be nestled up a hill-side following a few very sharp and harrowing switch-backs.  The pay-off however was a stunning view of the surrounding bay from our private balcony, which also came with its own private little onsen.  The tokyoite had made all the arrangements, unbeknownst to me, and I loved it.  

After dropping off our bags, we promptly left the hotel to traverse back into town.  It wasn’t a big town mind you.  We could probably have walked end to end in about 45 min.  Perfect for two lovebirds, wandering hand in hand, lost in each other’s company. 

The first stop we made was at KiunKaku, a historical inn. We learned the area had once been known as a destination for newlyweds with the hotel at its center.  Even with the rain pattering down around us we could see why. The hotel was serene.  We took our time wandering through the low slung rooms, admiring how each view into the garden was curated and picturesque. 

Following our self-guided tour we’d ended up at a small family-owned restaurant to try the locally harvested seafood.  I’m not always the most adventurous of eaters, but this time, I took a leap and tried to be.  While some of the texture were, unique, I found the dish to be overall enjoyable.  

After lunch we decide to tackle the second of the tourist attractions in the town, Atami Castle.  From afar it looks rather imperious, but we had been warned the whole thing was a campy tourist trap.  It did not disappoint.  It was campy, cheesy, and the two of us had a blast partaking in all the gimmicks the castle had to offer! 

Late in the day while exploring Atami castle, we discovered a welcome surprise on its 5th floor balcony.  For a hundred yen we could rent a towel and soak our tired feet in the little heated foot bath while we watched the sunset over the ocean and the mountains in the distance.  We ended up sitting there for a spell.  It was peaceful and perfect, and just the two of us.  When we’d spent the majority of our relationship apart, we had quickly come to cherish those intimate moments whenever and however they manifested.  

The next morning we spent the time basking in each other’s company before having to check-out.  Seeing as our train back to Tokyo wasn’t until later in the afternoon we spent the day exploring the other half of Atami.  We saw the cherry blossoms, walked through the incredible MOA Museum of Art, and sampled all manner of street foods for lunch.  Before we left the Atami we’d find ourselves once again soaking our tired feet in another, different, heated foot bath outside the train station.  On our ride back to Tokyo that afternoon I remember he had his head nestled on my arm, while I watched the scenery blur by, reflecting on the past few days. With one very unfortunate exception it had been a perfect trip.

I didn’t know it then, but Atami would be one of the last memories we’d share together.  The future would hold some rough roads and hard choices for us, but in that moment, on that train, I was happy.  We had done what up until then we’d thought impossible. A private getaway for the two of us. Atami had been exhilarating, exciting, and at times heartbreaking.  I wish the last part didn’t have to be true.  Unfortunately life is not always the hallmark movie we wish it to be.  I cannot say how the Tokyoite views that trip today, though I do talk to him from time to time, but for me, with one exception, it remains one of my fondest memories.  One I am very happy and thankful I was able to share with him.  

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1

Self-Reflection on Past Relationships

May 11, 2020 /

In spite of everything happening in the world, we must continue to soldier on by staying safe and healthy. Personally, this has been an extremely transitional period; filled with a recent layoff and signing divorce papers (which has definitely taken a lot of energy out of me). But it’s okay, because this is a part of life. The start of a new chapter. A time to reflect on what worked well and what didn’t. 

When in a relationship, partnership or somewhere in between, it can be difficult to judge what attributes make it good. Granted, “good” is a subjective term. What is good for one is not necessarily good for another. Like a metaphor mentioned in More Than Two, “No two gardens look the same, but all gardens need certain things to thrive: Sunlight, air, soil, and the right amount of water. In light of the times, I’ll use healthy instead of good to describe these attributes. Before I discuss some qualities that excel a relationship, let’s first talk about the relationship essentials. 

Looking back on the year, there have been many ups and downs in the exploration of polyamory. All encompassing, it has been a learning experience. Some of the foundations of a healthy relationship are: Communication, Honesty, Trust, and Respect. I truly learned, the hard way, that these are pillars every relationship is built on. Once one pillar is damaged, the others become exposed and possibly threatened. While these core elements help to propagate a healthy relationship, I have also found the following to help. 

Prioritization:

Time is of the essence. Fact: there are only 24 hours in a day, there’s no way to extend it… Between our job(s), family, daily regimens, and other plans it is essential to prioritize these items. We cannot accomplish all of it in one day. Time-management is not just a tool to help people organize their day, but a tool to prioritize our connections. There have been instances where I have overbooked my day and I have had to cancel plans with others. It hurts to let others down and be let down. Prioritizing people, instead of time on my phone, laptop or other distractions, plays a role in a healthy relationship.

Undivided Attention: 

Spending time and effort fostering new relationships, friendships and other “ships,” had become problematic. The half-assed time with my partner or friends was unappreciated. I might as well not have been there at all. My desire to maximize time has adversely affected the people around me. Undivided attention when spending quality time with a loved one is crucial. I sometimes forget to enjoy the moment with the ones I choose to surround myself with. I need to remember; the world is still turning even when I take a night off. Those nights where the phones are down are some of the best times spent. Both giving and receiving undivided attention has proven to be a healthy component for future relationships. 

Patience: 

We are creatures after our own desires. It’s hard to break bad habits and can take patience. One of these habits is my ability to handle conflict has hindered some of my relationships. It can take time to come to terms with our deep-rooted issues and deal with them. Patience is a two-way street. We all have issues that scare us, but allowing  the proper amount of time to understand & talk about them can be the best things for us and our partner(s).

A part of the human condition is making mistakes, errors, and failing at times.While I don’t have many regrets, that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned from my mistakes. Learning from these events and not being too hard on myself is necessary. Each misfortune has played an important factor in the following relationships and helped shape the person I am today. We live, we learn, and hopefully carry those insights into the next relationship. 

Let us know what works for you. Stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights into happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.

-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

Pass the Kleenex – Learning from Past Relationships

May 11, 2020 /

When the tears finally dry, and the anger and pain recede. We are finally able to assess that, which is no longer, with clarity.  And unless the relationship was one of true toxicity and abhorrence, more often than not, we can look back and find at least one or two shining moments.

Not all relationships last a lifetime.  Some would say that’s makes it a failure, caused by one or both the individuals involved.  They didn’t do something right, or maybe it was never meant to be.  With a simple turn of phrase we seem able to invalidate all that had come before, because it doesn’t align with what is considered a successful relationship, unending love that lasts a lifetime.

While the idea in itself can be romantic, I think, if not careful, it can be misguided and set up relationships for failure.  I think this for one simple reason, time alone is not proof of a successful relationship.  Think of an ex, now imagine if you’d pinned on an additional five years?  Do you think that time alone would have made the relationship a more successful one, simply cause it had lasted longer?  Chances are probably not.

Does that however mean the time you shared together did not wrought you something of value? A few happy moments, some new life lessons, a discovered passion your once significant other helped you to cutivate?  Chances are you there was something.

While there was a greater rift that would ultimately see the dissolution of the relationship, it doesn’t make either party a failure at being a partner or that the relationship a waste of time, it means both have grown and the time has come for a new chapter.

Now, writing that is a whole hell of a lot easier than going through the process.  I have been on both sides of that coin. I have had my heart broken and I have broken a few hearts (a statement I take no pride in).  Neither side of the coin is easy to bear, for different reasons.  

In the case of my very first boyfriend, I precipitated a scenario that ultimately gave him the final push to dissolve the relationship.  It had lasted about a year.  Setting aside he was ‘the first’ for a moment, because they are hard for a whole list of separate reasons.  Having that change happen, seemingly overnight, was devastating.  I had gone from speaking to him constantly throughout the day and seeing him almost every night, to their suddenly being an empty hole where he used to be. He was just gone, out of my life.  I was hurt, angry, heart-broken.  I laid every grievance and pittance that doomed our relationship at his feet. The anger would turn to regret and resentment and I would go through this cycle a few times.  

It took time, but I have come to appreciate that relationship for the liberating experience it had been.  There were a lot of reasons it would never have worked out, but for the time that it lasted, it  gave me the opportunity to explore the person I had so desperately wanted to be, but was too afraid to embody.  Something I am very much grateful for now.

The key to the success of that relationship had been passion and excitement, not time. It only burned for a short time, but it burned brightly, especially for me.  If I looked at the relationship from the perspective of only being a year long, it would gloss over the outsized impact it had on my own journey of self discovery in those early years of coming out. 

Not all relationships need to end, sometimes they simply need to evolve.  As we grow so do our relationships to those around us.  We are different people than we were 5, 10, 15 years ago.  Sometimes that can be reflected in the interpersonal dynamics we share with our friends and lovers.  Again written, this sounds easy, but in reality change is often hard, and messy, and maybe more than a few tears are involved.  Such relationships are ones in which time is needed to affect that change, however the true measure of the success isn’t measured by how quickly or slowly the transition happens, but how the individuals involved handle it and what that new chapter ultimately looks like. 

Relationships are tricky business.  Many of us will move through several over the course of our life.  Each will bring something new to the table.  Its own excitement.  Its own tears.  Maybe its own end.  Whatever the future brings, take the time that is needed to process your own emotions, should that day ever come.  Hours, days, weeks, months, years. But if you can, remember it doesn’t have to always be viewed as failure, sometimes relationships come to an end and that’s ok. 

-Always in Love, Poly Guy 1

Let’s talk about STIs

April 6, 2020 /

It’s that time of the month again… to go get tested. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) and Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) testing are important routines to do in living a healthy sex positive lifestyle. But first, I will share with you a horror story of not getting tested till it was too late. 

There was a period in college, after my boyfriend and I broke up… I was in a state of crisis. Some of my close friends were aware of the state of my boy troubles by the way I cut or colored my hair. It’s the equivalent to the trend of gay men who are either shaving their heads (doing a Britney) or bleaching their hair during the coronavirus quarantine (I might be next.) 

In any case, after this severe breakup I was determined to have as much fun as I could before the next long term entanglement. It was a new aspect in my breakup routine because at this time, I had only had two previous boyfriends. I had also started my college experience in San Francisco. The pool of guys was much larger and it was the first time, in a while, since I’d used hookup apps such as Grindr or Jack’d. It was beautiful to see all these potential sexual interests in a cascade form at my fingertips. I went to town, hooking up with various guys each week. It was a time of exploration and bliss. I was so in the moment that I forgot to do one crucial thing, getting tested.

With a lack of insight or gay friends to talk about regular testing practices, I only got tested when something came up. I wasn’t equipped with the proper knowledge of resources or insights around STIs testing. I should have done more research and in tune with healthy sexual practices but due to societal stigma I was less transparent and to seek help with STI advice. As a very  impressionable early 20-something year old, I prioritized other matters over my own health. It wasn’t until I was showing signs that I took the first available appointment at the closest urgent care. Before I could see a nurse, I had to fill out a questionnaire about healthy and sexual activity. Before this I think the last time I got tested was 6+ months and I was nervous about what my response would say about me. I had gone in with some symptoms and walked out with a prescription. 

Since then I have learned the ways of how to keep myself in good health and on a regular STI testing schedule. While condoms can only have a 98 percent prevention measure against STI, according to the CDC: sexually active gay and bisexual men are suggested to get tested every 3-6 months. This is a good measure to uphold, though I have found that sometimes it’s more urgent to go every 1-2 months depending on how sexually active a person is. When it comes to STI and HIV, some people (like myself) are less likely to exhibit symptoms over others. Personally, after years of sexual encounters and talking to people, I have found monthly testing to be the best preventive practice. 

Yes there are several factors to consider, accessibility and affordability. With the help of technology and online resources, it is easier to find a clinic or facility to get tested for STI or HIV. Though sometimes it may not be convenient. Due to scheduling, the time slots available do not work with my work calendar. While I believe HIV and STI testing should be free, that’s not always the case in different cities or countries. Stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.

– Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

Silver Linings & Connecting from a Distance

March 29, 2020 /

As someone who enjoys one-on-one time with individuals. I can tell you at the end of this I would love nothing more than to spend time drowning in a sea of bodies and love, ill advised to be sure, but it exemplifies the sense of isolation that has been pervasive and expounded upon during these novel times.  I’ve been lucky, as I’ve been able to spend quality time with both my fiance and Jellybean, but it’s also exacerbated the longing to be around other friends and lovers, whose physical presence I have come to count on in recent years. It’s like being in a multitude of long distance relationships, but long distance has now become five minutes down the road.

In this current climate, I think it’s important to remind ourselves, that this will come to an end.  Life will not always be this way. There may be some rough roads ahead and quite a few unknowns, but we will get through it.  I will not belabor the hardships of being separated or isolated. Each one of you has probably dealt with/ dealing with it and don’t need another voice lamenting in your ear.  Instead let’s focus on the positives of being free of social obligations.

Positive 1: Pants have officially become optional.  Even as we use video conferencing to connect with the outside world, we are blessed in that those we interact with are often only interested in seeing essentially from the chest up.  It’s great! Now you can roll right from that work meeting with your client into fun times with your paramour. And the only thing that changes is how far you’re sitting from the camera.  I would of course advise caution, this could easily lead to some rather, we’ll call it awkward encounters. However, with a little creativity and some coordination the possibilities are quite endless. 

Positive 2: Minimized commute time! As an individual who spends three hours of my day commuting, five days a week, these past few weeks have been a dream in that regard.  I have been given back three hours of my life to allocate elsewhere. As a result one of two things will be true at the end. I will either have the most stunning physique of my life, because of the at home work-outs I’ve been able to maintain on a daily basis, or I will weigh 500 lbs from all the new recipes I’ve been cooking and sampling. The jury is still out on which it will be.

Positive 3: New and inventive methods of staying connected. I’ve already mentioned video-conferencing, but I also know of those who’ve streamed live digital dance parties, or started on-line board games groups to stay social.  Right now these are proving to be the ONLY way to interact, but again that won’t always be the case. When, not if, we return to normal (even if it’s a new one) we will have in our arsenal a new set of tools for staying connected and reaching out. 

Positive 4:  We will all have the shared experience of knowing who the Tiger King was. For those of you who don’t know yet, log-in to netflix, I promise you won’t be disappointed.  Also you literally have nothing better to do. Your most likely cooped up inside anyways. And this will help time fly by as you binge watch, because you won’t be able to turn away.  Shared experiences bring us closer together It gives us an opportunity to bond, a common space to have conversations and dialogue. So I urge you to watch, then all those memes will make sense.     

Positive 5: We will all be better photographers & the library of intimate photos we have at our disposal in the future will be damn near limitless.  As a gay man with access to grindr, I’m pretty sure a large majority of my photo drive is definitevly NSFW. However in a time where I can’t leave my house, I have become much more creative and attentive to the quality and content of the photos I send.  A skill I will no doubt reap benefits from well into the future. I’m sure I’m not the only one either.   

That’s all I have for now.  We, like all of our readers, are not exempt from the ravages of our current crisis.  However, I hope what we can provide is an escape from that reality or at least a different perspective that might help temper the harder facets of what we are collectively experiencing.  Poly life goes on holding for no one or thing, this is just a new learning experience we must grow from.   

  • Always in love, Pants-less Poly Guy 1

A “Social Recession”

March 29, 2020 /

Hello y’all, it’s been some time since we last posted. We realize that we are living in a difficult time with the covid-19 pandemic. It has been a little over a week since San Francisco and surrounding counties have placed a shelter in place order on their residence. While some of us thrive in a social distanced environment, there are others that struggle to keep social interaction and mental health up. 

Personally, working from home has been nice, I have been able to do more without a 40-minute commute to and from work. It gives me more time to focus on other hobbies, exercise, and self-care routines. As an extrovert, it’s been daunting to know that the energy I use to receive from social engagements is now put on hold. Some of our friends do recharge their “batteries” by reading or alone time, which is great for them. I get to be on the other side of the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Instead of asking my friends to come out, they are the ones who are enjoying their time indoors. While this is a necessary measure to prevent the spread of coronavirus, for some, being confined at home (and little outdoor activity) can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. 

How do we connect when we cannot physically see our friends, family, loved ones? Well luckily we live in the 21st-century, where technology has surpassed the Nokia phones and dial-up internet era we grew up in. I remember skyping high school friends during my first year of college. It was amazing to have the technology to virtually see them helped destress being so far away from them and contributed to my overall well-being. Due to technology, while we can’t be there physically, we can be together emotionally or mentally. 

One way for us to connect with our peers is through Zoom, an online communication app used for video conferencing. One of my friends has been using it for their spring courses at university. It was great being able to chat with friends and see their expressions as I updated them on my weekly revelations. We all admitted it felt like our college dorm room days, using the twitchy Oovoo app as we caught up over snacks (and now drinks). The shared laughter and updates made the night better with friends, who at some points I use to see weekly. This app helped create some sense of normalcy in a not so normal situation. 

I have used Zoom more this past weekend than I could ever imagine. From a social happy hour to connecting with others for a live dance party, this is a tool that can make a person feel less alone when reality starts to settle in. 

In retrospect to polyamory, and relationships in general, some of us are fortunate to live with our paramours and or have housemates to ease our social parameters. For others though that may not be the case. In any scenario, during these difficult times we should reach out and make time to those people in our lives who matter. Communication is key. Not for your own well-being but for your partner(s) as well, talk to them: about their feelings, needs and wants. When physical touch is not available, it is important to look at other avenues (such as emotional and mental connections) to nourish a relationship to let them feel loved and supported.

We as people learn to adapt in situations. Like indoor plants, some of them need lots of sun, while others do well in low light levels and interaction. We must figure out what works best for ourselves and position ourselves in optimal situations to receive the most care for ourselves.

Reading articles have altered my perception of these times. Some relationships will go through a series of new complications due to restrictions, while others (such as long distances) for the most part will seem unchanged. This isn’t the first time, nor the last time that physical distance has put stain on a relationship. Some friends’ routines are unaffected as they still chatting with their partner(s) via text, phone calls, and video calls. While we have to put a hold on face-to-face contact with others, doesn’t mean we can’t make time and effort to our loved one. Stay safe, stay healthy, and as always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.

-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

The Butterfly Feelings…

February 21, 2020 /

We’ve all heard of the term “butterflies feeling.” It’s an undeniably strong feeling we have with a person, primarily, in the beginning of a relationship. I never stopped to question the feeling, or even knew there was another term for it, I always just went with it.

More Than Two defines New Relationship Energy (NRE) as: A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship. This energy from NRE is believed to be accompanied with emotional bonding, feelings of happiness and self-well-being. 

My partner and I’s relationship started off casual. He was in an open relationship when we first met. The first time we hung out, he came over, I made him dinner and had a simple “Netflix and chill” session. After our first hangout, I felt quite content, open, and trusting toward him. Months to follow, we were still seeing each other with no label established. Him and his boyfriend had broken up and I was too nervous to ask for clarification of our own status. We eventually got to talking and agreed we were dating one another. I was ecstatic, it was like another dose of NRE. We went on our first Valentine’s Day date at The Stinking Rose, an Italian restaurant known for its garlic-infused dishes. We split our first bottle of Riesling, which I personally thought was super romantic for one of our first official dates.

It was a couple months later, my housemate’s “ex” girlfriend had come up to San Francisco to spend spring break with us. We spent the day hiking in Muir Woods, with stops at the Golden Gate Bridge, Marin Headlands, and other various city landmarks. After dinner, I took them to a sporty gay bar in hopes they’d enjoy the sports vibe. Unfortunately, by the time we made it to the bar there were no games to show, so instead there was a rotation of jocks and cocks. They were thoroughly impressed. 

It was to my surprise that my partner decided to join us after his shift. Within minutes of meeting up with us, he was exchanging numbers with my housemate’s “ex” girlfriend. The night would lead us into a spontaneous outing. Throughout the night, I’d look at my partner and smile. The interactions between the four of us just seemed effortless. We ended our night at the infamous Castro bar, Badlands, known for its Top 40 hits and being the bar that everyone ends up at back then. After the bar closed, before getting a dirty street hotdog, we took an obligatory group picture to remember the night. 

It truly was a night of bliss. We got back to our apartment, my housemate and his “ex” girlfriend went to bed while my partner and I stayed up longer. Probably to make soup for my forever-hungry self. That night was an all-inclusive feeling of excitement, happiness, and something new. As we made our way into the kitchen, we soon found ourselves making out on the floor and against the oven. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted something more from the relationship. So, I sat on his lap and asked if he wanted to be my boyfriend. He said yes and we continued making out. 

As I continue to journey down the path of polyamory, I start to notice the similarities between poly and monogamous relationships. Poly relationships have similar mechanics to other relationships, just with added components. New relationship energy had taken full force that night and led to my partner and I becoming officially boyfriends. After five years together, a lot has happened and it can be hard to remember what drew us to one another. It was a conjunction of many things, including new relationship energy, in the relationship that brought us together in the first place. 

Like all things, NRE cannot last forever. But if you stick out the relationship, what can come from it is called Old Relationship Energy (ORE), which More Than Two defines as “the feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship.” While I may have stirred things in my current relationship, I hope we can get back to a point like this. With some effort and a whole lot of patience, I believe we can make it happen. ORE is just special as NRE. It withstands the test of time. And love is love right? Old love, new love, I will always have a special place for my partner’s love. As always, like, share, and subscribe to our blog for new insights of happiness, heartbreak, and everything else that comes with our exploration of polyamory.


-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2

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