Greetings All,
This week my co-conspirator and I opted to take a break from the poly conversation to discuss the importance of community & community centered events. Particularly in regards to the gay world. While yes, this post is tailored to a specific community. I think the overarching concepts are relatable to any community: acceptance, kindness, support, & security. Sometimes we forget what it’s like to be surrounded by those of like-kin and just how necessary it can be for the nurturing of our souls.
I recently had the opportunity to experience my first gay cruise. Where, quite literally, with a few small exceptions, the entirety of the ship’s passenger manifest was gay. Never in my life have I experienced such an event. I’ve been to Pride and any number circuit & after-hours parties, but these have a very short and curated duration. They pale in comparison to the week-long excursion this trip was.
The cruise was a floating island, encompassing all aspects of an individual’s life for a week, sans responsibility. It’s one thing to meet a guy on the dance floor sweaty, riding high, dancing, and in a jock strap for a few brief hours. It’s a completely different experience to greet a guy, after having showered (most likely), sipping coffee at breakfast, and in a jock strap, at the start of your day. The mental states are completely different, as are the agendas (maybe/maybe not). While I joke about jockstraps, my point is , the cruise provided an opportunity for people to let down their guards. It’s something I heard time and time again from so many onboard.
Many of us learn and self-teach from a young age to conceal who we are. To shield ourselves from rejection and ridicule, perceived and real. For some of us, including myself, you don’t even realize how tightly you’ve held onto this part of you, because it has become almost instinctual. Then you find yourself on this cruise and a moment occurs. I’m sure it’s a little bit different for everyone, but maybe, for example, you’re walking around the ship with your arm around a cute boy’s waist. For what feels like the very first time you look up and around. You actually look at strangers in the eye as they walk by. Not ten feet past them, but at them. In that moment you breathe for what feels like the first time. Instead of the judgement or malice or confusion you’ve come to fear, what you find in their gaze instead is kindness or warmth or support or any mix of these. Things you’ve been searching for, for so, so long.
There’s a certain level of romanticizing happen here. Yes. I know. However, the sentiment isn’t terribly far from the truth. The overwhelming sense serenity and unbridled joy that comes from being able to immerse oneself in such an environment and for a full week no less, is a feeling unlike any other.
Less my readers think such cruises and experiences are privy only to the few with sculpted abs and effervescent youth (neither of which I ascribe to, for the record). Let me assure all, the variety of men (and the occasional woman) I saw and interacted with on the ship knew no bounds. The spectrum of individuals was as wide and as the endless as horizon in front of us. No matter what you were looking for, it could be found on that ship. Not only that, but there would doubtless be others eager to join you in your passion. I can recall dancing with circuit boys all night one evening. Only to have a very late breakfast the next morning with a newly retired couple on the first week of their 14-week jaunt around the world. These represent but two of an infinite number of interactions I had with guys from all walks of life over the course of the week.
While I can attest there were no shortage of the costumes, candy, & body counts on board. I can also promise that what people got out of this cruise was more than a string of passionate one-night stands. (Though it didn’t hurt your room was a walk away from the dance floor.) People sought and found new relationships and camaraderie on a scale it would be hard to replicate anywhere else. There was no need to fear reaching out to new acquaintances and expressing interest, platonic or otherwise. The response was always the same polite, kind, and often with a smile.
After a week of floating around on the open ocean with other gay men. My feet have come to be firmly planted back in the realm of the real world. I still have messages trickling in from new friends and old alike reminiscing about our time on the cruise. Together we had built something in a week that cannot be replicated easily. The voyage gave us an opportunity to bond over shared life experiences. To look the other person in the eye and say ‘Yes, I get it. You don’t have to explain a thing to me. I know. We’re in this together.’.
Does this mean we don’t need our allies? Or that we are ungrateful for the outpouring of love and support we receive from those who give it to us unconditionally everyday? The answer is absolutely not. We will be forever grateful to all of those individuals. But sometimes, you just want to be able to dance the night away in the arms of a cute boy and for that one blissful moment feel liberated, accepted, and at peace. To heave that breath and let it, and all your worries, be carried away by the warm ocean breeze.
- Always in Love, Poly Guy 1
