Author: Poly Guy 1 (Page 3 of 3)

Our Polycule! (Connecting the Dots)

January 10, 2020 / Poly Guy 1

In a fun exercise to see how our polycule played out, we attempted to show the interrelationships of the individuals involved. For Those of you how have ever tried, we learned this was quite the challenge. We have, broadly, defined all of our relations into these four categories: Established Relationships, Formailized Relationships, Kink Relationships, and Mono/Poly Relationships. Let’s take a closer look at what these types of relationships are and how they coincide with one another..

Established Friendships:

This can be defined as a relationship of mutual connection between the two individuals. In our sex-positive group of friends, there has been varying degrees of sexual exploration with one another. This type of relationship is typically more casual in nature. The level of intimacy and/or sexual connection eb and flow, without rising to the level of a defined relationship or even necessarily a need too, as decided by the individuals involved.

Formalized Relationships:

We define this type of relationship as a mutual agreement between two individuals. This type of relationship spans the typical relationship spectrum, with rules and boundaries, needs and wants for both sides, and a deeper emotional connection than an Established Relationship. Common traits of these relationships can also include, hierarchical tendencies (though not always), cohabitation, shared finances & a social calendar.

Kink Relationships:

This type of relationship is often identified by the larger role kink plays in the dynamics between two individuals. The world of kinks is broad and deep, and oftentimes has a large overlap with the wolrd of open and polyamorous relationships.

“The kink play is based off of a power exchange. That power exchange is the basis from where the romantic relationship grew & helped it developed. Over time the kink and romantic relationships came to be intrinsically linked, feeding off of one another.”

-The Gaymer & his pup

This is a world we will come to explore in future posts, because as mentioned before, we could spend considerable time on this topic alone.

Mono/Poly Relationship:

Is what More Than Two describes: A relationship between a person who self-identifies as polyamorous and a person who self-identifies as monogamous. In a couple of weeks, we will touch based on our experiences with this topic.

It should be noted, that the outline you see above was no easy task, the intricacies and overlap of individual & group relationships often times buck traditional definitions and structures. Our goal here was not to create a comprehensive view, that we will save for the Netflix show it deserves. In outlining our polycule, we hope our readers can find parallels in their own lives and in turn jog a curiosity and desire to discuss further as we dive into more personal experiences in future posts. If you have a topic you’d like to discuss, leave a comment below, we’d love to hear from you!

Your friendly Poly Guys 1 & 2

Hello Boys!!

January 6, 2020 / Poly Guy 1

Greetings world! It is with great joy that I get to introduce you to our Avatars! World meet Poly Guy 1 & Poly Guy 2. You can tell who is who, because my co-conspirator is the cuter one! It may seem silly to be so excited about an avatar, but these avatars represents to key aspects of our blog we are trying so eagerly to build.

The first, we think it helps to humanize our blog. We are not faceless bloggers secreted away from the world. Our goal has never been to hide in the shadows, because no one deserves to be a secret. It’s more like we’re the cute twinks standing on the fringes yearning to jump in head first, but still just a little to shy. To combat that shyness we found a happy medium, a stepping stone if you will, as we begin to find our way.

The second, and perhaps more important, these avatars represent a collaboration with a local, young, gay, SF illustrator. We’d like to give our thanks to Nihao for the wonderful illustrated portraits of us! Please support our local LQBTQ artist by following him on @nihaoeric on instagram.

This collaboration, represents the first of what we hope is many more with other local, poly, gay creatives. We truly want this endeavor to be a community effort and an outlet to support and grow those who find their way into our little corner of the world.

Stay tuned! This year promises to be an exciting one. We just couldn’t wait to say hello to you all and the beginning of this thrilling new year!

-Poly Guy 1

Hi! Have we met?! (Meeting Other Polys)

January 3, 2020 / Poly Guy 1

As mentioned before in previous posts, the poly aspect of my Fiance’s and I relationship is relatively new, maybe a year/two-ish. As we developed into a polyamorous couple those boyfriends we had grown close to initially, had been an organic affair. While it was a beautiful way to grow a relationship, open, no strings attached, no expectations, our relationships were more the result of serendipity than an intentional search for paramours. In some cases luck was on our side and these relationships have continued to blossom beautifully, but things such as nebulous boundaries, misaligned expectations, communication deficiencies, all put unnecessary strain on even the most carefree of partnerships and many of those relationships crumbled under that weight.

As we learned from our heart breaks and mistakes (not an easy or painless feat I assure you) and began to take ownership of the polyamorous aspect of our relationship we learned two things. First the internet was both our friend & foe when it came to finding resources & two not all dating apps are created equal.

You know what the problem with being poly is? There’s very few depictions of us in pop culture, very few socially acceptable conversations that don’t end in some kind of joke or judgement being passed. What this means, of course, is like any group of misfits or outliers in this day and age we must turn to the internet, for pretty much everything. (At least at first, until you can grow your community.) The internet can be a great tool, but as with all internet searches approach your findings with a healthy dose of common sense and skepticism. My co-conspirator and I have had reasonable luck with facebook. Search for poly groups or meet-ups has turned up a number of poly-happy hours and get-togethers. To be fair we have only attended one, but it proved to be a success in that we actually got to talk to new people about shared life experiences and desires. We are attending our second next week! For those of you who may live in less urban areas, these same groups, while not available in a physical presence at least allow for a digital correspondence to begin your journey and build your network. I would also defer to Poly Guy 2 for his take on online resources as he does list a few valuable ones I won’t list for a second time here, given he does it so eloquently.

Lesson number two: Not all dating apps are created equal. In the world of gay hook-ups none is more well-known by name alone than Grindr. While I can tell you Grindr has many fun and desirable uses, I’m not sure I would go so far as to say finding paramours is one of them. Unsurprisingly when my Fiance was the first of the two of us to put ‘poly’ in ‘about me’, his inbox was not flooded with a flurry of emails from similar minded guys. Mostly still the usual barrage of dick pics, but now the occasional what is poly? While guys showed an academic interest, for most it transferred into nothing more than a lively educational discussion. These are necessary discussions, and believe me, you will have many of these (for those of you who hate to play the role of educator, please feel free to refer them to this fine blog, we welcome all kinds), it does very little to broaden one’s own community. My fiance’ very quickly found he would need to find a different platform.

My Fiance settled on OkCupid. For two reasons, one the seemingly general approval across a number of articles and websites & two, a past success rate substantiated by our own on-going relationship. OkCupid allowed for a more in-depth profile and search functionality. While apps like Grindr satiates a desire for visual stimuli, who doesn’t want to stare at a chiseled torso, it leaves much to be desired by way of information. Position, last tested date, physical traits, tribes, an often limited description, while great for determining physical and sexual interest and compatibility, provides spartan detail on relationship intentions, goals, and/or desires. It is by no means impossible, but an app or a dating website with a more robust profile is going to allow for, you guessed it, a more robust assessment and understanding of an individual. By no means fool-proof to be certain, just a better success rate. Something which in fact was the case for us when my fiance met one of his current boyfriends the Playwright. He got a theatre consort and I got a night of wine and anime to myself (among other things, to say the least about a beautiful individual)

While it can seem challenging to penetrate this seemingly covert world of free-loving individuals. The fact of the matter is, the majority of us love to talk about our poly lives. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Such conversations nurture us and excite us. We love meeting new people and educating those around us, because like anybody we want to be able to live in the open, without fear of being judged. Finding us may require a little bit of digging, but don’t be afraid to reach out, often you will find open arms and a warm smile on the other side.

New guy on the block; Poly Guy 1

Under the Covers

December 27, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

Greetings All,

With the holidays in full swing & boys prepping their outfits to ring in the new year and decade. (I’ve never seen a group of people make such fierce costumes out of so little fabric) . We’re going to take the night off to make our own preparations and snuggle under the covers with our lovers, to fend off the cold kiss of winter.

We hope you are all are warm and happy. Spend time with your loved ones and come find us in the new year! Its promises to hold exciting and new chapters for this adventure we are all embarking on!

Thank you for your continued interest & support!

We love you all unconditionally,

– The forever fearless and more often foolish Poly Guys

Love is all you need

December 20, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

Seasons Greetings and warm wishes! May the holidays be full of wine and people you actually want to be around. If the latter half has not proven to be true, then I wish you more wine. While you’re sipping on your wine, let me entertain you with a tale of Christmas (recent) past and the role poly played. I will mention love many times throughout post, but that is the point, love can change your perception.

I refer to my home, on occasion, as the “best little whore house in Campbell,” and that evening would be one of those occasions. Before the evening could commence however, there were preparations to be made. The house was spotless as is required for any guest vistations, not a speck of dust in sight, the glass reflective as a perfect mirror. I was running a hundred miles a minute from the moment my feet touched the floor. Haircuts, tidying, grocery shopping, and organizing. I would endeavour to not have a hair out of place before the 10-15 or so individuals slated to descend on my tiny 2 bedroom home arrived.

The first to arrive was someone you will all come to know in time as Jellybean. A love of my life and boyfriend of just over a year. His smile lights up a room and that day would be no exception. I wiped off my hands, coated in flour as they were, to catch him as he jumped into my arms and kissed me deeply. It had been a month too long since I’d seen him and this was a much needed visit. Once we were able to catch our breath, we both set quickly to baking. We are a tour de force in the kitchen as a team and baking is my favorite holiday tradition. Before the night was over we’d bake toffee, cookies, fudge, and rice krispies. My lovers would hate me and love me in the same breath for the treats that I had made.

As we burned our way through 5 lbs of butter, slowly (slowly) the rest of the gays would arrive fashionably late. Some were close friends, the majority of them were part of “The Gaggle”. This was my polycule, a group of guys I’d come to love through shared events and experiences. There was the Couple, a core in their own right, the Nurse, a southern host with charm beyond measure, the Squash Player, with adorable faces that could melt any heart, the Geologist, with a piercing sense of observation, and the Illustrator, with a glowing sense of positivity to cut through the gloom. There was also my Fiance’s own lover, the Puppy, forever seeking to show love. All individuals whom had made an indelible mark on our lives and whom I couldn’t imagine life without. This was my group, these were my lovers. People I could count on and whom I loved and who in turn, loved me back. For one of the first times in our lives, my Fiance and I, had found a group of individuals we didn’t have to hold back with. The results could not have been more satiating and fulfilling.

So there we were, the best little of whore house in Campbell in full swing. However, there wasn’t a desire for lust (as might be implied by the name or our past), but instead a desire to be loved. Throughout the night there would be a sense of intimacy. A desire to show love, a desire to show affection. At times I would find myself being held by the Couple and at other times by jellybean. Regardless of whom I was being held by, or whom was doing the holding, the point remained the same. We were all there to be supportive. Looking for even the slightest opportunity to show one another that they were important and loved.

Any person could have walked across the room, and found welcoming arms wherever they fell. The night was spent in high spirits. Some of us watched movies, others where engaged in a high stakes game of dice. The focus didn’t matter. The truth was simple. We were all loved and we are all worthy of it.

The night would end in a movie. And to be honest, I don’t even remember many details of the movie. What I do remember is this. After an evening of intimacy and excitement, a group of boys settled down to a night of affection. I fell asleep with Jellybean on one side and the Squash Player on the other, both blissfully nodding off on my shoulders. Never in my life have I felt so needed and loved than in that moment. I fell asleep that night satiated and loved and I couldn’t have asked for more. I had found individuals who loved me for me.

That night we may have departed to separate rooms, but the truth held firm: We are loved.

-PG1

Mama Said… (The Importance of Rules)

December 13, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

Tonight’s post is brought to you by wine. The glass is always half full if you know how to pour. Wine…there when you need it…unlike your Grindr hook-up….

I have learned a great deal many things in my life. Some of them are useful. The larger majority of them quite useless. Though they do make for fun party bits when everyone is standing around awkwardly and at a loss for a topic. One useful thing I have learned is this. If you are going to be poly, you’re going to need rules AND if you’re going to be successful at poly, chances are you’re going to break them, together.

First off, what I don’t mean. It is still possible to cheat in a poly relationship. Just because you can sleep with everyone you want, doesn’t mean you should (also poly is about so much more than sex), particularly if you have agreements against such things. While cheating often manifests in monogamous relationships as a sexual affair, often times the pain caused by the sexual encounter is secondary (not to say it isn’t hurtful). What is often times the primary cause of grief, is the act of betrayal and dishonesty itself. You had sex with that person! You LIED to me! That is the key. Relationships are built on trust & communication, while the sex in itself is hurtful, having someone betray your trust is gut wrenching on an entirely different level. Such betrayal isn’t unique to monogamous, romantic relationships, it can manifest in any relationship and in many forms. I will repeat this again, don’t lie, & always, always communicate.

What I do mean. Poly, like any relationship, is a learning experience. Rules should be used to guide the relationship as it grows, and if we continue this metaphor, they should be used like course corrections, adjusting to the environment as new situations arise. Maybe that rule made regarding sleep-overs made sense when you first started out, but now both of you are more secure in your relationship and wishing more intimate time with the new paramours each of you has found. There’s no harm in changing the rules, if both parties agree to it. Such corrections allow for growth and new opportunities, but such things take time and dialogue.

The first five-ish years of my relationship to the Fiance’ were monogamous, and it worked for us. I even remember once, early on in the relationship, asking about if he would be interested in a threesome. The question was done more as a thought experiment than anything else. He said no, and to be quite honest I was in full agreement. Now some of you must be scratching your head. How in the world could a couple go from strictly and completely monogamous to running a poly blog, with a rolodex of fwbs and three very charming and loved paramours? The answer is simple…we talked. We were both very hesitant, but we trusted that we could each speak our minds and the other would listen without judgement. That very first night we came up with three rules:

We both had to agree on the guy
We only played together
If at anytime one of us was uncomfortable we could stop the entire scene. No questions asked and the other would support the decision.

We never once in our time being open (but before poly) used the third rule, but it provided a level of security we both needed to learn and build trust in each other. Over time, as we became more comfortable, the first two rules changed as well. We actually made it a point in the early days to check in with each other every month or so and make sure the agreement still worked. We’ve adjusted it a multitude of times over the years. Slowly Rule #2 fell away and gave way to Rule #4 ( we could play separate while traveling). Over time Rule #4 would fall away and evolve into 6, 7, and 8, but the important part was that there was always a discussion and an understanding between all parties first.

Any of the multitude of resources out there, will give you an in depth exploration into rules, agreements, and boundaries. In the world of poly particularly, such things are vital. As the web of individuals grows, more personalities & more hearts become entwined. Agreements help to create a baseline the relationship as a whole can reference back to and rely on. That being said rules are designed to facilitate and support those individuals who created them. If at any time the Relationship becomes subservient to the rules, then the time has come for reflection and dialogue.

My fiance’s pup once asked me which house I would belong to if I were to enroll in Hogwarts. My answer was Gryffindor. Not because I’m loyal or brave or fierce, but because I’m completely inept at blindly following even the smallest of rules. Always strive to grow and be better, chances are you’ll have to break a few rules in the process, but if you’re compassionate and smart the end result will outshine the original.

Love without limits poly peeps – Poly Guy 1

Poly 101 (A Crash Course in Craziness)

December 6, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

My co-conspirator and I have spent the past few weeks talking about ourselves. Given we’re both gay, we could probably do it endlessly, and chase all three of our readers away. Rest assured there was a method to our madness.

This blog is about being poly, and gay, in the Bay Area. In that order. We wanted to create a space that would allow us to explore a variety of topics surrounding these subjects. However, we felt compelled to tell you a little about ourselves & how all three of these elements speak directly to the heart of who we are and how we identify.

With the formalities out of the way we will begin our first post about something other than ourselves. The 101 of Polyamory (poly for short). Maybe some of you have heard this term before. Chances are many more of you have not. To that end we, as your ever present gay poly guides, thought we’d try and get as many people on the same page (please invite all your friends to our page we want more of you) at the beginning as possible.

We’ll style this post as a Q & A of sorts. Giving each of us a chance to interject our own thoughts. What this will show is poly is rarely black and white. It can take many forms and is largely reliant on the individuals involved, but that there are underlying concepts that ring true through a majority of poly relationship. Shall we begin?

Question 1: What the hell is poly and why do you guys keep talking about it?

–PG1: Polyamory allows individuals to explore relationships with others on their natural trajectory. Some relationships may last a lifetime, others a few months. Regardless of the length, it is the quality of time spent together that matters. Not the quantity (though that’s important to in a different sense)

–PG2: Haha, well polyamory is that cute thing that people call having multiple partners. Not like Polygamy. Because in this scenario, both partners can have other partners. And these are sexual and emotional partners.

Question 2: Having one partner is hard enough and you want how many?! Why would anyone do this?

–PG1: Why do people want 8 kids? Why does my boyfriend want to be Roger from 101 Dalmations? The answer is simple. Love is a powerful force. For me I view love as if there is an abundance to be had if you’re able to open your heart to it. Different people open you up to different worlds, and it can be an spell-binding experience.

–PG2: Because, for some people this just comes natural to them. Have you ever felt that spark, those butterflies, with someone else? It’s like that but multiplied. It just feels right in the moment and you can’t explain it.

Question 3: So if I’m single and loving life, do I have to be in a relationship first to start my poly journey?

–PG1: Gods no. You have a perfect life, why ruin it? You’re telling me you don’t have a fiance who steals all your covers? And is incapable of finding things in plain sight? (Looooooove you Fiance) Poly is about finding and navigating relationships that fill your needs, whatever they may be. Maybe you want a nesting partner and a couple close paramours. Or maybe you value your independence and your alone time and would prefer to have a few deep connections with paramours you see on occasion. You get to make that choice.

–PG2: No you don’t. There are many poly singles in the country. It’s not uncommon to meet a single poly person. They may know who they are or still discovering. Poly is opening yourself to a lot of things… Some may be good and others may hurt, but poly is a learning experience.

Question 4: Annnd… you guys never get jealous?

–PG1: Jealousy is a universal human emotion, some people experience it more than others. Those in poly relationships are not excluded the feeling. Jealousy is more about the individual than exterior influences. People in poly (good poly) relationships must face jealousy head on if they don’t want to see dischord sewn into their relationships. Is that an easy thing to do? Absolutely not, but it can be done. When you do that, a funny thing can happen in its place, which we’ll talk more about in the future, comperssion for your partner.

–PG2: Yes and no. Depending on the rules and boundaries you set for you and your partner. Personally, we have a rule of primary and secondary. What that means is that you have a primary relationship and one or more secondary relationships. Primary comes first before any secondary.

Question 5: But, but how do you schedule all of this?

–PG1: I second the google calendar, that thing is a life saver. This is a tool though. The real answer is lots and lots of communication. It’s like when you were 16 and just got your driver’s license any time you made a left turn you had to call her and let her know you were still alive. More people means more communication, but should should be talking to your partner anyways, because you love them right? What’s one more phone call?

–PG2: Google Calendar has helped a great lot. Granted that only works for Iphone users. Best try to find an app that works to schedule all your time and their time. If it’s in the calendar, then we’d figure things out with proper notice and that something to ask.

Question 6: – What is ethical poly to you? How do you carry it out?

–PG1: Ethical poly is being open, honest, & communicating with all your partners. It’s being respectful and aware of their needs, just as much as it is about asking for your own. No relationship is without balance and consent. You need both to thrive.

–PG2: Brb after a quick wine break.

Question 7: – Grindr, Tindr, OKC, and other apps. Which do you find to work the best?

–PG1: You know my fiance had great success with OkCupid. I have as story I’d love to share on it some time. For me, I’ve had success with Grindr, but that was more due to circumstances than a concerted effort to find poly relationships.

–PG2: Shit he should have poured a larger glass….

All right, well this concludes our Poly 101! This is highly HIGHLY abbreviated crash course. We will most likely touch on a number of these subjects again in depth over the course of this blog. I can tell you, it was very hard to abbreviate all that I have learned so far (which is very little) into a sound bite effectively, but I hope it has given you a feel for what is to come. We are both are both very excited to dive into this with you!

So please tell everyone and come join the fun! 🙂

Poly Guys 1 & 2

Flashcards and Flow Charts

December 1, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

A small disclaimer before we begin. While I may one day choose to reveal the beautiful face behind this mask of anonymity, the others who have come to be a part of my life through this journey of polyamory may not share that sentiment. Out of respect for those individuals and their privacy, their identities will remain anonymous. For those few of you out there who may know my co-conspirator and I, and our relationships, I’d humbly ask you to keep that information to yourself and respect the privacy of all involved.

Our early years in the Bay Area were easy. To be honest the idea of polyamory never crossed our minds. We were too busy finding our new routine. It would be a trip home to visit family that would begin the chain reaction. The night started as any other with drinks and conversations with some friends, but somewhere along the way it wandered into the topic of kink and sex. What would come of that discussion would be a decision to open up our relationship.

That night we went home and had a serious conversation. We both expressed our wants and laid out ground rules of what we needed for each of us to feel secure. Like my own foray into dating, there would be some stumbles as we worked out the kinks. When we finally found a guy we both were interested in and who was interested in us both, the evening spent together was electrifying. I could give you a play by play that would leave you sweating, but this isn’t that kind of blog. Suffice it to say we were drenched in sweat ourselves.

The next year would see the start of a new chapter in our lives. Over the course of this phase we would test the waters and boundaries we had established. As we grew more comfortable, we’d open up a little more and try something new. Keep in mind at this point we were only open & not polyamorous. For those who may not understand the difference here. While “open” allows for varying degrees of physical intimacy, it does not necessarily allow for emotional intimacy or relationships. The guys we invited into our bed were only there for one reason. Least that was how it started.

As the dust settled and we began filling up our shared calendar (for you couples out there this is a must to keep from double booking, luckily that time it worked out in everyone’s favor and our bed was big enough) certain guys started to become constant fixtures in that schedule. The occurrence highlighted an important element of being open. These weren’t just phone numbers or grindr profiles, these were real people we were talking to. Turned out, some of them, we actually shared mutual interests and enjoyed bonding with, in and out of the bedroom. Which brought up an even bigger question. Were we worried about becoming *too* attached to other guys? What would happen if we fell in love with another guy? The answer we came up with…we’d see when we get there…

We were traveling in Japan when we met the Tokyoite. We met him in a Yamachan, over delicious chicken wings and cold red wine. The wine was terrible, but the company was superb. Over the course of our vacation we’d meet up with the Tokyoite three more times. We parted with a promise that our door would be open to him should he ever make it state-side, which he did several times over the next few years.

The Tokyoite was the first, but not the last. Over time there would be other relationships that would blossom to have an outsized influence on the Fiance and I (Yay! We got an upgrade!). Each at different stages & all happening at once. Suddenly what had once been conjecture had become reality. We were faced with a difficult question. What do we do when the structure of our agreement no longer aligned with the relationships they were designed to support?

The answer was simple, though it took several conversations to get there. We needed a new framework that would better meet our needs. Neither of us wanted to secede the relationships we had worked so hard to build by this point. We had both found love, or were on our way to finding it. We had built a network of friends and lovers that had added a whole new (and welcome) dimension to our life. Neither of us denied that, in fact we loved it, We were building a family of our choosing and it felt right. With that belief held firmly in mind, we decided it was time to accept our relationship for what we had built it to be, a polyamorous one. Finally. We had a framework that fit out needs & allowed us to continue growing.

Begin at the Beginning…

November 24, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

I never anticipated the twists and turns that would lead me to this point in my life, but I’m thankful for the opportunities and lessons I have gotten to experience along the way. They are what laid the ground-work for where I am now. If we are going to build any sort of bond between you and I on the subjects to come, it’s best you know a little bit about me and that ground-work that came before. So let’s begin at the beginning….

Before the polyamory, parties, hook-ups, google calendars, boyfriends, relationship agreements, day glo paint…(the list goes on) I was a mildly confused, quiet, and shy architecture student. (To be clear all of those things are still true, now I’m just confused about different things.) For all the gay porn I watched. Starting from the very first time I discovered it. After I learned my parents online account password as a pre-teen (they wrote it on a piece of paper and forgot they did) and then covertly changed my own account settings in the dead of night, till well into college. It would takes years of frustration and agonizing internal dialogue before I would come to accept myself for being gay. While it does not define all of me, it is very much an integral part to whom I am. I’ll save the details of my coming-out for another post for now. That is not to say it is unimportant, for many (including myself) it is an integral part of learning to accept who you are. This post is about a different chapter, however, and so we shall fast forward, just a tiny bit.

Let us return to that shy & quiet architecture boy we have left waiting patiently in the wings. He enters scene left, heartbroken and drowning in school & work. Well, mostly work, it was summer break after all. He had nothing to do, but wallow in his own heartbreak over a recent break-up. A break-up that happened to be his very first boyfriend, but not relationship (I did say a tiny bit). The whole affair was messy and painful. There might have even been some ugly crying, which although he looks…well its ugly crying, no looks pretty doing that. Heartbroken as he was, his determination would keep him moving forward, as he sought to figure out the whole gay dating thing. That was not an easy feat turns out. Keeping in mind our hero of this (current) tragedy is shy and quiet, almost to the point of running the other direction should a cute guy even looks his way, face-to-face interactions were essentially out of the question. Instead he would turn to the internet. Not Grindr, Grindr didn’t work on flip phones. No, instead he turned to that antiquated form of dating, a dating website.

The idea came from a previous evening spent mending the broken heart of a dear & close friend. Inspired in their wallowing by a commercial pontificating the virtues of a particular online dating site, they had begun to fill out online profiles in hopes of finding ‘the one’. Turns out her ‘one’s’ name was Luke, his ‘one’s’ name was “we’re sorry, please try a different site’. (See? Tragedy.). He ventured out in search of other platforms and new beginnings, undeterred by those initial abysmal results. He would stumble several times in the course of his endeavour, but slowly, slowly, things would come together. He eventually would find a dating site that met his needs. After several failed attempts and one poorly matched date, he would chance upon someone unique and charming. Someone who would help to define the next decade of his life (and still counting). The Fiancé.

Now like all good romances this one started out with some serious cheese. I know because the Fiancé is a nerd, our hero was a newly-minted awkward gay, and 10 years later I have read those conversations and they are truly & adorkably cringe worthy. There’s talk of pasta and swimming and clarinet playing. (That was actual clarinet playing for those with more salacious minds. I’m a proper gentleman so long as the lights are at least dimly lit.) Whatever it was, it spoke to our hero’s heart and pulled on all the right strings. There would be a touching first date that is often regaled upon unsuspecting new acquaintances even now. Though the version changes depending on who’s telling the tale. In short, I come out looking like the cute & shy guy I am, and the Fiancé gets to play the role of Knight in Shining Armor, who sweeps in right at the closing scene and steals a tender and cautious kiss from the lips of his soon to be prince. The date would leave our college boy breathless and texting constantly (and annoyingly often) for the next 6 mos. The fact that he even has a fiancé at all to this day boggles the mind.

Fast forward now to a few years into our hero’s new relationship. The once tragic protagonist is no longer pining for lost love, but reveling in his current one. The intervening time has been spent learning to navigate becoming a ‘we’, moving in with the (then) Boyfriend, and attempting to jump start a budding architecture career. Anyone of those items alone is enough to send a sane person running, but there he was doing them all of them at once. Poor fool. Over this duration of time many a discussion had taken place. One common thread that had come up consistently was a love for California. San Francisco in particular. Both our hero & the Boyfriend loved the city and the idea of moving there some day. Neither had any clue of how they would get there, but neither was deterred by that fact either. They had even taken several trips. Doing all the quintessential touristy bits, In-&-Out, Lombard Street, walking the Golden Gate bridge… They could both see themselves living in the Bay area, they just need an opportunity to do so.

The opportunity would come in the form of a job offer. You see the Boyfriend worked for a fairly well-known corporation with headquarters in the Bay Area. As luck would have it, he was the smarter of the two of them & had secured a career opportunity in the company’s home office. What started as a three-month assignment, protracted into a five month one, and eventually an actual job offer. Our hero was quite surprised when he came home from his week-long vacation with his family and the first words out of the Boyfriend’s mouth were “Want to move to San Francisco?” He would have also accepted “Hello! I’ve missed you! I haven’t seen you in 5 months!” or “You look tanner!”, but an offer to move was just as good in his opinion. Regardless the reintroductions, five months after setting off for the west coast our couple was reunited and soon to be on the move once again. What had started as a tragedy in this post so long ago would materialize into the beginnings of a grand adventure for our college boy. Neither of the two could have anticipated what the West Coast would hold in store for them. Their move truly, was only the beginning.

Salutations & House Rules

November 17, 2019 / Poly Guy 1

My co-conspirator and I welcome you to the inaugural post of our blog. The genesis for this blog came from our shared & separate experiences surrounding being gay & polyamorous in the Bay Area. Many a conversation has been held between us at 4 am, where we’ve discussed the joys & struggles our relationships bring. These conversations have brought us just as many questions as they have insights, because the simple truth is we don’t have all the answers. However, rather than mull these epiphanies over in the relative silence between the two of us, we thought, just maybe, we could open it up to a broader audience. After all, in this crazy city of sex parties and intertwined relationships, we can’t be the only ones trying to navigate a poly life along with the gym memberships and constantly refreshing Grindr? …Right?

And so here were are starting a blog. It’s hard to say where this blog may lead, most of my ideas are only half baked at best, but I can tell you what I’m hoping for in opening myself to the world at large. I hope others can find solace in knowing they’re not alone. I hope others can learn from my mistakes (and they are mine. The only mistake my co-conspirator has ever made was agreeing to do this blog with me, and for that I am deeply sorry). I hope it can start a dialouge around being poly & gay, because I think one is needed. I’m sure other platforms exist, but I have yet to find them, and if they do, well now there’s one more upon which to build our foundation. I will let my co-conspirator speak for himself, but these are the things I hope to come out of this adventure. And it is an adventure, there’s highs and lows, and quite a few climaxes (simultaneously, if you’re lucky).

There are a few things I would ask of our audience, before we get started, some house rules if you will:

) Keep an open mind. Our lifestyle may not be for everyone & that’s ok, but we can all stand to learn something from one another and this is a perfect opportunity.
) Be respectful. I’ve already admitted we don’t know everything, nor do we purport to, so feel free to disagree, but do so respectfully.
) Engage. This is just as much about starting a dialogue as it is about us face planting on a public platform for your enjoyment. So please, chime in.

Now with all the niceties and house rules out of the way I once again welcome you to our world. A world of happiness, heart breaks and a mess of spelling errors. If you should choose to step into our world, even for a brief moment, I promise you, you will be anything but bored. Shall we begin?