With the holidays around the corner and Christmas music in the department stores, it’s finally time to be a bit gooey and talk about happy “holly” poly moments. Some of our previous topics have been on the heavier side and we wanted to shed light on one of the joyful aspects of polyamory.
Compersion. What? This made-up sounding word is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of “happy poly moments.” Compersion is “a feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.” This term is coined by Kerista Commune. It’s the opposite of jealousy, because a person experiences a positive emotion when seeing their partner(s) with another love interest. While compersion might not equate to “happy poly moments”, they work together to accomplish the joys of poly.
I first heard this term on the dance floor at a gay days event at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom by the gaymer was dating at the time. As we were dancing, I saw him look off into the distance and start to grin. I peer over in that direction to see what all the smiles were about. He saw his fiancé dancing with his boyfriend and all he could do was smile and say, “Aww.”
Looking back on the year, there were many moments of compersion and happiness. One in particular I’d like to share with you is during and after our annual Friendsgiving. Every year we host a lovely gathering, where new and close friends drink, eat, and be merry. This year was no exception.
This was the largest year turnout with 38+ people crammed into our rented 3-bedroom, San Franciscan apartment. I distinctly remember one happy poly moment that included me, the gaymer, and another poly friend called “The Kink” . After finishing my plate of food, I made my way around the house to check on everyone and see if there was anything anyone needed. I found myself in the guest room where to one side of the futon was the gaymer and to the other side was the kink, who I had met at a friend’s party earlier. I sat in the middle and cozied up to the gyamer and locked fingers. The kink scooched closer, locked fingers, and he started to gently rub his head against mine. I smiled and sighed in content. I turned towards the gaymer and grinned. We locked eyes and started to make out. It was one of the purest forms of happiness, with no judgement.
After Friendsgiving, a group of us headed to an EDM showcase of several artists with the promise of a special closing act by Seven Lions. They were one of the EDMer’s favorite artists and though we were tired, he had convinced us to go. Out of all our friends to join us, our group consisted of open, poly, couples, and singles. Once Seven Lions came on, we were all in a pure state of ecstasy. I was dancing with one of the kink, while my partner was dancing with the EDMer. Somewhere between the drop and the heavy bass; I glanced over at my partner and started to grin. Then it all clicked, that grin was a product of compersion. I couldn’t contain how ecstatic I was to see the two of them enjoying one another’s company. The only thing that made the night better was listening to Seven Lions perform their song First Time, which if you haven’t heard it yet you should give it a listen.
So cheers! It has been a journey to get here and I thank you for taking the time to read our posts. As we round the year out, I’d like to wish you and your loved ones a happy holidays and a splendid new year.
-Your Friendly Poly Guy 2
